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How To Write An Online Dating Profile (That Doesn’t Actually Suck)

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I’ve read a lot of online profiles and most are terrible.

Women’s dating profiles read like vacation wish lists. “I like dining out! Theater! Travel! Music! Scuba diving! Adventure! Visa! Discover!”

Men’s dating profiles read like testimonials from a self-help book. “I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’m ready to love again and give my whole heart.”

Most people use their profile like as sales tool but have no experience in sales and are unfamiliar with the product (themselves) and don’t understand the market.

On the flip side, as “customers” too many read a dating profile as absolute truth. Tell a woman that a vitamin will reduce her cholesterol or an extra layer of paint will preserve the finish on her car and she will be skeptical to the point of thinking you are trying to swindle her, but give her a dating profile saying a handsome man is ready for love and commitment and she will believe it!

How To Write Your Online Dating Profile (To Attract A Man):

1. Have Great Pictures

Let’s be honest, your pictures matter more than your profile. A man is more interested, at first, in if he will find you attractive. If he finds you attractive, he will want to take you out to get to know you, not read your profile. A man is in a position of weakness when emailing without being able to pick up on tone, facial expressions, body language, so he is going to want to get you in front of him as soon as possible. Women love to go back and forth over email, like pen pals, believing we are uncovering secret truths or that his continued engagement confirms benevolent intentions, but the truth is we won’t know anything until we meet in person either.

Men want to stack the cards in their benefit, as should you, and they know that you simply can’t read a person’s character or intentions without meeting in person. For that reason, and because men are more inflexible with attraction and more flexible with what behavior, character flaws, ambition, income, status a woman has, he probably won’t read your profile carefully. When he reads it, he’s not looking for information about you, he probably doesn’t believe what you wrote on your profile anyway, he’s simply looking for an opening to get your attention, engage you and then get you face to face.

2. Don’t Say Too Much

This is a good one for both men and women. What are you going to talk about on your date if you’ve told your whole life story on your profile? The profile is not supposed to be a biography, it’s a teaser. Don’t give him the movie, give him the highly edited, exciting preview that will make him want to buy at ticket to watch the movie.

Additionally, don’t put personal information in your profile or talk about it in emails. Why did you get divorced? Really? Don’t put that on your profile. And don’t tell him some sob story in email. No one cares, first of all. We have all been betrayed. This is dating, not therapy. If you MUST tell him your sob story, do it on a date when he can at least zone out and look at your cleavage when he nods with sympathetic understanding.

3. Give Him An Opening

One of the problems with saying too much is that it doesn’t leave much room for him to approach you. If you are out with friends in a setting where there are single people and you want to let a man know you are open to getting to know him, there are things you will do consciously or subconsciously, with your body language. You will turn toward him, smile, get eye contact.

Online, he knows you are “available” because you have a profile, but what does he do from there? He needs an approach, a way to contact you that will intrigue and interest you in him. Emailing 20 women a day will turn any man into “Hello,” “Hey,” “What’s up” copy paste warriors. What is there to say? He could write three paragraphs about your vacation photos asking what was your favorite part or telling you about his travels and never get a response. And he’s just as likely to get a “hey” back if he emails at just the right time and strikes your fancy.

Men will reach out to almost every profile with attractive pictures because it’s a numbers game. 80% of the women will not respond. Perhaps they are already talking to someone else, perhaps they are just browsing, perhaps they don’t find him attractive. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, the fact is that the work of reaching out and emailing women falls heavily on the men.

Best thing to do is put something in your pictures that shows something about you that you’d like to share and have a conversation about. Do not give a lengthy description of it in your profile.

As an example, I put as one of my pictures a picture of Fat Bastard, my comment was “Me without my makeup” or I left no comment. Well, I love to laugh, I love comedies, and I love to be silly. This is an easy opener for anyone who has seen the movie or likes comedies or who can see the humor in the post.

Another idea is to ask a question in your profile. You can ask a specific question or make it a game. Give him something to guess about you from a set of clues. This will make it easy for him to engage and start things off on an unconventional path that isn’t the tedious small talk.

4. Don’t treat your profile like a resume

He is not interested in your job or your career. Yes, he will want to know that you are intelligent and responsible. It also may be important to him that you are of a similar social status and stage of life. But he can figure this out from the clues in your pictures and from meeting you. Writing about your job is a turn-off.

It can be intimidating, even online, for a guy to contact you. And so often the conversation falls flat right out the gate because he’s limited to saying a boring hello, a cheesy opener, an autobiographical letter, or some kind of random question. After a while, these all fall flat and no matter how charming or witty he is, it gets old, even for the guys. Help them out a little. TC mark

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