The Undeniable Best Way To Kickstart Your Break-Up Healing

It’s called a Break-Up List, and it’s going to be your new best friend.

The first few weeks (perhaps months — for some, years) after a break-up, to be frank, suck hard. Whether you’re the one that ended it or you were the dumpee, a relationship closing isn’t something anyone would volunteer to do.

Regardless of what role you played, you’re in quite the predicament now.

Suddenly a lot more lonely, perhaps even questioning if you made the right decision or what went wrong. But I’m not here to tell you everything will be ok, because I hope you already know that deep down somewhere.

I’m here to help you with that inevitable point in a break up that happens for all of us: romanticizing.

It’s the point at which you’re sitting in your bed at night, staring at the empty space next to you. The point you think to yourself, did I make the right decision?

And at that moment, all the good memories flood in. You start to remember that warm, fuzzy feeling you got when you first met them. How much fun you had on that road trip up the coast together. The goofy little laugh they had.

And this, my friend, is why you need a Break-Up List.

Because it may initially feel good to think about those memories, but it also aches in a way that we don’t want it to. Yet we continue; like taking another hit of cocaine, we’re addicted to the feeling of indulging in things that cause us pain.

It’s why we stalk our exes on Instagram, wonder whether or not they’ve started dating someone else, and potentially send a 3 am text even though we know our attempts are futile.

We’re addicted, and the drug is love.

But there is hope. In these moments, your Break-Up List will be your best friend that will always pick up the phone to talk; always know the right thing to say.

So what exactly is a Break-Up List? Let’s get into that:

Creating Your Break-Up List

Your Break-Up List will be a literal list you always have on you. I suggest creating it in the Notes app of your phone — you never know when you will need it.

Begin by writing down all the things that annoyed, bothered, or turned you off about your ex. And I mean literally anything you can think of.

Perhaps it was the way they would treat waiters at a restaurant; maybe it was the snide remarks they’d make about your outfits.

Even write down the pettiest of things like how much you despised their style or the not-so-cute look of their asymmetrical smile. We’re not here to be politically correct or kind. List everything out.

And don’t forget to write down specific events too. If they berated you that one time you went to a Phoenix concert, and you left feeling wholly disrespected, write it down. The more ammo, the better.

Anything that pulls you back into reality and out of the fantasy romance land should be added to the list.

Utilizing Your Break-Up List

Now that you’ve compiled your shiny new Break Up List, you’re going to keep it on you at all times.

At any point, if you catch yourself missing your ex or wanting to message them, pull out the list. Read it over and really remember all the reasons you didn’t like them. All the reasons it just wasn’t meant to be.

And instead of finding yourself stuck in this place of self-induced romanticizing pain, you’ll be brought back to the reality of how the relationship really was. And hopefully, that stops you from ruminating about the fantasy good ole times.

I’ve used this trick for all of my past relationships, and I recommend it to all my friends. It’s hard to really see things clearly when you’re caught up in your emotions.

May your Break Up List bring you a few less tears and a bit more clarity.

About the author
Dating + Relationship Writer & Coach Follow Kirstie on Instagram or read more articles from Kirstie on Thought Catalog.

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