I think I’m falling for you.
And I won’t lie, that terrifies me.
You see, I convinced myself a while ago that I don’t deserve love from someone. Because if I was able to give it to myself, to finally feel genuinely happy for the first time in a very long time, then that’s all I needed.
I had this fear of not being enough for somebody because I witnessed firsthand how it felt to give your all to someone only for them to throw it back in your face. Rejection became my best friend, and I let it take over my thoughts to convince me I was nothing.
I sabotaged good opportunities with guys by making them the ones who got hurt instead of allowing it to happen to me again. And instead of that giving me a good feeling, it left me feeling like a jerk. Because I finally got a taste of how it felt to be on the opposite side, to be the bad guy. And it felt awful.
Part of me wanted to hide away. To never allow myself to need someone, hurt someone, or be hurt by someone again. And I was doing so good. But then you appeared out of nowhere and my life has done a full one-eighty.
From the first time I met you, one Friday the thirteenth at a restaurant sitting together in the back corner, I knew there was something different about you than all the rest that I met. Maybe it was having high expectations going in. Maybe it was the nerves telling me nothing will happen from this, so enjoy it while it lasts. But for some reason, you blurred those bad thoughts away. And now I’m falling for you.
I’m falling for your smile. How easily it can be upturned. I can see it in the dark when we’re at the movie theater, in a dimly lite restaurant, or even when you don’t think I notice it.
I’m falling for your laugh. How light and airy it comes off, yet when I tell a good joke your laugh lines show on your face, something you don’t like but it’s wonderful to me. Because you like all the parts of me I hate and make me see them in a new way.
I’m falling for your eyes. Blue eyes so crystal clear. I thought I would drown looking into them, now I float freely, calmly. You keep me leveled.
I’m falling for your touch. I melt like butter into your arms. You’re like a rope sent down to drag me back up when I put myself down so far I can’t even see a way out. When the darkness overshadows me, it’s your light that guides me back. You keep me safe.
I’m falling for your voice. The way your words send chills through my body. How easily your breath against my ear or neck sends my heart racing. The way you say my name is my favorite thing.
I’m falling for your gestures. No matter how big or small. Something simple as holding the door open for me, or giving me your jacket when I’m cold to walk back to your car. I don’t take those for granted.
I’m falling for each moment we’re together. The moments I take with me to bed to dream them up again. Save them in my mind so I never forget. You made me love winter for the first time in half my life.
I’m falling for you, it’s as easy as that. And even though I told myself I wouldn’t, for some reason unlike the rest of the times in my past, I know you won’t hurt me.
So, don’t let me down.