Wouldn’t it be peachy if recovery from an addiction was linear?
If you could do all the work to change habits that hurt you, and finally reach the promised land once done?
This may seem like how recovery should work…how we are often promised recovery works…but in reality it is much, much different.
Recovery looks a lot more like a mothball of highs and lows, the kind you don’t want…
It looks like eating a pint of ice cream at 3 a.m after restricting for two days,
It looks like downing a bottle of whiskey or three Xanax to numb after a bad confrontation with a coworker,
It looks like a relentless voice in your head that tells you, you are a horrible worthless person and that you don’t deserve to live a fulfilling life.
But it also doesn’t.
You see, because real recovery allows us to continue having ups and downs, mess ups and comebacks, we can begin to realize that LIFE is not linear.
We can begin to notice that no one, addiction or not, has it easy.
That you, as the recover-ee, are not the center of a universe that is out to get you.
You are a human being that is doing their best to make sense of this crazy world.
So next time you fuck up, please remember that the way out is not paved with gold, but with a reflection.
A reflection of you and all the others on this same journey.
Remember that your pain is not unique or world-shattering, and that your fuck up is actually a reminder of the reality that you once lived in, but chose to move from long ago.
Look deep into the eyes of your reflection and admit that your addiction has been painful, but that it has also made you who you are.
Determined for more.
Willing to go on despite the fact that you will fail again.