Leaving everyone talks about it like it’s so easy to do.
How many times did it take you to leave before this? And how many times did you come back? How many times did he threaten you and you crumbled. And I’m sure you felt weak in those moments and I’m sure he made you believe a lot of things that weren’t true.
Telling you lies like you need him. What that translates to is I need you to feel powerful because without that control I am nothing.
Telling you lies like you’re ugly and useless. What that translates to is I’m afraid of you realizing your own beauty and worth.
Telling you lies like no one will want you. What that translates to is I’m afraid someone will and they will treat you better.
Telling you lies like you can’t leave. What that translates to is I can’t let you leave I need you.
an abusive relationship cycle of an abusive relationships it changes you gratually in a way you don’t see it at first. But you end up turning into someone who isn’t really you only you can’t tell the difference.
And when given enough time in these types of relationships it destroys you from the inside out until you get to a very destructive point where you stop caring. Caring about yourself. Caring about your life. Caring about anyone because the pain you feel seems so deep and unescpable that you might resort to self inclicted destruction.
People can only handle so much abuse before they end up resorting to a lot of horrible things just to cope with the pain.
And if you’ve been there I want you to know it’s okay. Whatever you did or intended to it’s okay. Whatever choice you made you might not be proud of isn’t a reflection of who you are but years of abuse you didn’t deserve.
And it’s going to take a while for you to unlearn all that.
It’s going to take a while to build yourself up.
It’s going to take a while until you get to a point where you are standing on your own two feet because for so long you were leaning on someone who was so destructive.
It’s okay you feel weak right now. It’s okay you feel unsure. It’s okay to even miss the person in moments. Because even if it’s the wrong love feelings there are still present.
Maybe you endured the abuse as long as you did because you wanted him to change. Maybe there was something you stayed for.
Whatever that reason might be and however much time you invested there are two parts of strength that go unnoticed, the strength in enduring something you didn’t deserve for so long and then the strength of walking away.
Where ever you are in your journey to recover I want you know how proud I am of you. And there are always going to be bad days and setbacks and moments where you wonder if you did the right thing. On those days I want you to remember you did. I want you to know how proud you should be of yourself.
And as much as the pain you feel right now might be weighing on you that pain comes from someone who deserves so much more. And walking away is your first step at getting that and winning your life back and regaining that control.