You connect with people emotionally and when you do that and you let them in, they learn about you as you do them. You form this emotional connection. You wonder how you used to be strangers just passing through each other’s lives. How you used to just walk by each other so casually not realizing then how much this person would come to mean to you.
People come in and out of our lives and I still don’t understand it fully. Maybe to teach us something. Maybe to help us at a time when we need it most. Maybe they needed us too.
The constant coming and going, you think you’d get used to. You think you wouldn’t get too attached or emotionally invested in the next person. But you do. Then there’s this bitter heartbreak of watching another person leave again because how is it possible to become strangers with someone who took time to learn the core of who you are?
It’s a bittersweet cycle we never actually get that used to because with every person we give them a piece of ourselves as they do us and even when they leave, so much of who we have become simply is because of their influence.
Sometimes I get angry at God when I lose someone who meant so much to me. Sometimes I sit back analyzing what did I do wrong that they didn’t stay? Sometimes their name gets brought up in conversation and it hurts a little to have lost them in my life.
Thinking back to where we were and where we are now. A stranger that at one point knew me better than myself.
Someone I spent so much time with and the only reason I am where I am today is because of someone I barely even say hello to anymore.
It hurts to miss those people who were just lessons and meant to pass through when I thought maybe there was forever written in the sand that only blew away with the wind.
But then I think back to how lucky I am to have certain people even if it’s for a short while. Because each individual had with them something I had to learn and I hope they learned from me too. I hope I made them better. I hope in the time I made them happier. Because they did that for me.
Each one of them like treasure map pointing me in the direction of where I was supposed to be. And in moments I thought they were the destination. The thing I was looking for. The one. But they were lessons. Arrows pointing me where I was supposed to go. So for each of them, I’m grateful.
I’m grateful in my moments of doubt as I prayed on my knees on a Sunday. Praying for each of them. Asking God what was He trying to teach me with every goodbye and every person I parted ways with. Seeking answers only he knew along this journey I was unsure of.
Left only to hold onto faith. Hoping the pain would fade and heal. Hoping these guys who were just lessons wouldn’t be some of my greatest regrets.
But I realize there isn’t anything to regret about loving someone fully even if they are the wrong one.
There were so many times in my life I poured my heart out to people. And it wasn’t a desperate attempt but rather a brave one, following my heart even in moments it led me to dead ends because I still believe that if you care about someone that isn’t something you repress and it’s something they deserve to know even if they can’t reciprocate the feelings.
And it’s there you learn. To invest as much as you are capable of into loving people and keeping your faith, the odds will be in your favor eventually.
Sometimes it’s people who come into our lives for only a moment who end up teaching us the most. Like a comet in the night sky lighting up every part of you only to dim again and disappear.
You don’t forget those types of people and it’s those ones you learn from even if forever isn’t written within their fate in your story.
We lose people because we have to.
Because we have to trust God that even these men who touch our hearts and change our lives might be great. But what if you deserve more than that? What if God is setting you up for someone so wonderful to exceed your expectations?
It’s understanding and accepting just because someone’s part in your story might come to an end maybe there’s a new beginning God won’t introduce you to until you’re ready.
It’s okay to hurt when someone leaves. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to not understand.
But eventually, you’ll come across someone who isn’t just a lesson but rather the result of every lesson you’ve learned up to this point.
You’ll find yourself on your knees one Sunday morning and the dialogue between you and God will change from a conversation of asking questions as your faith was tested to gratitude and the word thank you.
You find yourself grateful for every ending you never understood before.