I think we fall into certain loves without meaning to. Without any promise of a future or longevity. Without really knowing if it’ll hurt you or help you. Without really knowing the long-term impact another person both in our life and in our heart might have on us.
To the guy who will always have a piece of my heart,
I want to thank you first for teaching me what love actually meant even though it wasn’t us at the end of this like we might have each expected or hoped for a long time ago. I want to thank you for giving me someone to believe in. I want to thank you for letting me into your life, the parts that weren’t so easy all the time. I want to thank you for trusting me with your secrets, letting me feel through the pain you endured knowing very well I could ever fully understand. But you let me into your heart regardless.
I was never going to stop loving you. Even in moments that brought me to my knees, I understood it wasn’t all your fault.
When I think back to you and us and everything we’ve been through, I still see the boy I first fell in love with at the early age of 17 or 18. The boy who needed to be loved even though he pushed it and everyone away. I wasn’t going to leave you. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t be another story that ended badly for you. Another woman who let you down. Another love that hurt. So I loved you with everything I could even in the moment’s, people including you told me not to. The truth is I’m very stubborn when it comes to matters of the heart. I knew once the heart decided that was it.
And for so long I picked you.
We put each other through hell and back sometimes. We fought. But when push came to shove we never stopped fighting for each other. We never gave up. Even in the moments where one of us would walk away, the other always made sure we were close by.
Even in the times it felt like distance made us grow apart, the saying was true we just grew fonder. We became the calls that were always answered when we needed someone. The company and silence that wasn’t awkward when we needed to be alone but didn’t actually want to be. Someone who got it.
That’s the thing about people you have a history with, you learn every curve and sharp edge so much that you don’t just learn about the person but you become more like them taking bits and pieces of who they are with you.
You begin to know them better than you know yourself. Their history becomes something you wrote together because you were on every page.
It’s hard to describe it sometimes what we had, what we continue to have, a relationship that’s hard for even me to put into words. Because it wasn’t some relationship with some title binding us, there was this bind without needing that at all.
I learned from you, you don’t have to be in a relationship to fall in love with someone and the best love stories might not even be with the people you date.
It’s this unexplainable connection.
One’s ability to find your way to each other even when you get lost.
The understanding so deeply of someone and a bond that can only be explained with a lot of time and emotions and energy invested on both sides.
Maybe we didn’t end up together but maybe not all soulmates do. Maybe it’s two people who just keep each other and continue to choose each other and don’t say goodbye.
I’ve learned the best love stories don’t have an ending because real love does not fade or go away, it resides in your heart making you feel whole whether the person is there or not.
And that’s what you’ve given me. A love I’ll always be able to believe in.
For that, I’ll always be grateful.