This Is What I’d Tell Her About The Guys She Tries A Little Too Hard For

Timothy Paul Smith

Effort. It’s something that comes very naturally to girls like you. You constantly think about others like it’s easy. Born with a heart you wear a little too carelessly on your sleeve hoping maybe this time you’ll get it right. Believing in love when I know you’ve gotten hurt more than most.

Giving people more chances than they deserve because you believe in people’s good parts even if they show you their bad sides and hurt you sometimes. You wear pain very comfortably like it’s something you’re used to.

Another disappointment. Another letdown. Another ending with the words goodbye not even uttered. Another day looking at your phone wondering what you said or did wrong analyzing your reflection. Because there were moments it seemed so right and you were so sure.

It turned into just another story you’ll soon forget. Another name on a list of someone who wronged you. And you aren’t angry. Just confused really.

You carry on being even more wary, fearfully stepping towards anyone. Caught somewhere between your belief in love and doubt.

You wonder if it’s you or the people you’re choosing.

Sometimes people think you are weak for taking the worst of people and painting it into something beautiful. Seeing the beauty in their cracks. Seeing potential in moments of vulnerability where you almost get through. Moments where you don’t give up on them or walk away because you want to prove to them someone cares.

You want to give them something to believe in.

The cost of loving people the way you do is hurting yourself sometimes. They take everything you give without reciprocating it. Take pieces of you with them as they come and go like you’re someone who will always be there.

You invest your whole heart into relationships whether the people deserve it or not because that’s who you are.

In return, cancelled plans become the reality. Sitting by your phone waiting for him to answer. Dressed up and ready to go, wondering he’ll be there this time.

Another excuse and another lie you shouldn’t get used to but you do. Another rain check because something came up even though he doesn’t tell you what it is.

Another night alone wondering why you aren’t good enough to get his time and attention.

And you keep trying. You keep putting in effort.

You keep starting conversations just happy he answered. Happy he liked another photo you posted. Happy he looked first at your story. Taking every little bit of what he gives and wanting it to be enough. These dating games that make you confused because it seems like he cares sometimes then he pulls away the next. Dropping in and out of your life like he can.

But you feel it in your heart the pain of settling. And instead of walking away you try harder. Instead of pulling back effort hoping he’ll meet you halfway, you go all the way and he doesn’t have to do anything. Putting thought into gestures thinking maybe he’ll change his mind about you.

Watching yourself fall faster as you invest more of yourself into this thing.

I know what it’s like to care about someone so much you almost lose yourself to it and you don’t want to walk away or give up. But sometimes walking away from the person you want most is what leads to someone you deserve.

You give these guys a million chances when the right person only needs one.

You emotionally invest so much of yourself you feel empty when the right person will always make you feel whole.

You try like your best isn’t good enough and you have something to prove but the right person is going to adore you even at your worst.

Your effort is admirable.

Your heart is something everyone should value more, including yourself.

Because people like you are so rare and just because the people you choose to care about don’t see your worth it does not mean your value decreases.

Walk away when something and someone becomes a little too difficult. Because relationships aren’t supposed to be that hard but for some reason they are with you.

It isn’t your fault so I need you to stop blaming yourself. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You aren’t saying anything wrong, understand the people on the receiving are wrong for you and that’s the difference.

But it’s up to you to realize that.

The relationships that don’t deserve you are always going to feel like the complicated ones. The ones you have to compromise your self respect for. The ones that drain you emotionally. The ones that confuse you.

Walk away. Even if it kills you to do so. Because if these guys aren’t realizing your worthwhile you stand 5 feet in front of them doing as much as you do, make them realize it in your absence.

Sometimes people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone. And you’re always going to be that girl people miss. The girl people look back at regretting. The girl they remember tried so hard but eventually stopped.

You deserve to be missed and trust me they all will miss you. But more than that you deserve to be valued by the person who doesn’t have to lose you to see your worth. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Stop searching for happiness in the same place you lost it. Change is not dismantling the old, it’s building the new.

“The main thing socially intelligent people understand is that your relationship to everyone else is an extension of your relationship to yourself.” — Brianna Wiest

“The things you love about others are the things you love about yourself. The things you hate about others are the things you cannot see in yourself.” — Brianna Wiest

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