Maybe Things Are Awkward Because It Wasn’t Supposed To End This Way

Brandi Redd

Small talk where we used to talk every day for hours.

Meeting for coffee looking at our watches
when we used to get lost in each other’s company.

‘Be there soon’ got replaced with with a rain check neither of us will see in the future

How are you is awkward because I don’t even know who you are anymore or how we got here.

We say thank you to each other being polite.
But there was a time when we weren’t afraid to offend each other.
Calling out each other’s bullshit because we wanted to make the other person better.

Crossing paths when we don’t mean to
when in the past you knew I was coming
and you’d have my favorite beer.

Asking for permission when in the past we used to do things unapologetically.

Giving because we wanted to
not because we felt we owed each other something.

Maybe our history doesn’t mean there will be a future.

Seeing something that reminds me of you and not sending you a picture.

Driving past your house and not pulling into the driveway or walking in like I own the place.

People asking how you are and I pretend to know
because it’s easier than admitting I don’t know how we got here.

Maybe things are awkward because none of this was supposed to end like this.

Awkward eye contact that couldn’t be broken with a knife because the knife itself would break.

I wonder if you feel it too?

Does the silence and unfamiliarity hurt you too?

Looking at someone who seems the same but everything is different.

Lying awake at night typing a message just to delete it
because I know if you cared things wouldn’t have ended this way.

Hearing your name one I never thought would bring such pain.

And wanting to believe people when they tell me I’m better off without you.

We don’t say I love you anymore.
We just say goodbye.
And I hate it.
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Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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