Maybe Things Are Awkward Because It Wasn’t Supposed To End This Way

Brandi Redd

Small talk where we used to talk every day for hours.

Meeting for coffee looking at our watches
when we used to get lost in each other’s company.

‘Be there soon’ got replaced with with a rain check neither of us will see in the future

How are you is awkward because I don’t even know who you are anymore or how we got here.

We say thank you to each other being polite.
But there was a time when we weren’t afraid to offend each other.
Calling out each other’s bullshit because we wanted to make the other person better.

Crossing paths when we don’t mean to
when in the past you knew I was coming
and you’d have my favorite beer.

Asking for permission when in the past we used to do things unapologetically.

Giving because we wanted to
not because we felt we owed each other something.

Maybe our history doesn’t mean there will be a future.

Seeing something that reminds me of you and not sending you a picture.

Driving past your house and not pulling into the driveway or walking in like I own the place.

People asking how you are and I pretend to know
because it’s easier than admitting I don’t know how we got here.

Maybe things are awkward because none of this was supposed to end like this.

Awkward eye contact that couldn’t be broken with a knife because the knife itself would break.

I wonder if you feel it too?

Does the silence and unfamiliarity hurt you too?

Looking at someone who seems the same but everything is different.

Lying awake at night typing a message just to delete it
because I know if you cared things wouldn’t have ended this way.

Hearing your name one I never thought would bring such pain.

And wanting to believe people when they tell me I’m better off without you.

We don’t say I love you anymore.
We just say goodbye.
And I hate it.
TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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Image Credit: Brandi Redd

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