This Is How You Take Control Of Your Life And Happiness

Twenty 20

We go through day to day without realizing how lucky we are. I’ll be the first to admit there are a lot of things I take for granted sometimes. I tend to look at the negative parts of my life too often. I tend to dwell on the past and worry about a future that’s uncertain, that sometimes I feel I’m entitled to.

It’s that attitude that makes me have to take a step back sometimes. That attitude that makes me slow down. That attitude that makes me have to shift my perspective and change.

We hurry through the motions without realizing how lucky we are to even go through them.
We hurry through a day already wanting it to be over without realizing how lucky we are to even have that day.
We hurry through running an errand just to get onto the next one but what if would couldn’t do that or needed someone else to rely on?

We hurry through a workout and don’t take the time to appreciate or show gratitude to ourselves. Failing to say thank you to ourselves and our body for carrying us through it. Failing to realize how upset we’d be if we couldn’t do it tomorrow and it’d be only after the fact we appreciated something after we lost it.

Health is important. Taking care of yourself is important. Looking your best should reflect wanting to feel your best not just about change.
You beat yourself up because you ate something bad, saying you had a horrible day just because you missed one workout, getting angry at yourself because you gained a pound or two, spending your entire life saying you’ll be happy when you fit into this dress or see this number on a scale is BS.

When you fail to appreciate what you have right now, you will never appreciate what you get or accomplish later because you’ll be constantly looking at the next thing.

Appreciation applies to both things and people.

It’s so important to show people you love them and care them and appreciate them. While you might be looking at a relationship you don’t have in your life or parts of your life you wish were different, what you aren’t looking at are the people who are right in front of you giving you their time and attention and love. Learn to appreciate them.

Maybe like myself, you aren’t in a relationship with someone who is in love with you but it doesn’t mean you don’t have relationships with people who love and care about you just as much and maybe even more than this person that doesn’t exist or you’ve built up in your mind.

Not being in love doesn’t mean your life lacks it.

So many of us focus on the things we don’t have. We look at the grass so much greener on the other side. We look at someone else’s life and their highlight reels and we only see the good stuff. But what we aren’t seeing is their struggles. The things they deal with. The things they have to overcome. It isn’t fair to compare someone’s best moments to your worst.

Social media is great but all it really is are moments someone wants to advertise about their own lives in an attempt to keep up with someone else. And it’s turned into some competition of whose life is better intended to make us all feel a little worse about our own lives.

Our brain can’t distinguish what is real and what isn’t. So when there’s a constant stream across your newsfeed of everyone’s best life, you are going to compare what you see to what is real in your life and you’ll feel bad about yourself because of it.

There is a reason people who look at there phones more have higher levels of depression. That is a fact.

“A study published Tuesday in the journal Clinical Psychological Science finds that increased time spent with popular electronic devices — whether a computer, cell phone or tablet — might have contributed to an uptick in symptoms of depression and suicidal thoughts over the last several years among teens, especially among girls.” – PATTI NEIGHMOND

Behind every picture is an untold story. And behind every post is a filter of how someone wants to be portrayed.

Put your phone down. Live a life, one that makes you so happy, you forget you even have a cell phone to begin with. Put down your phone and stop texting people who aren’t there and learn to appreciate the people who are. Because one day you are going to look up from your phone and some people won’t be there anymore. Put down your phone and tell the people who are in your real life how you feel, how you appreciate them and how happy they make you.

Tell them exactly how you feel about them.

At some point, it got really cool to repress emotions and play hard to get and allow social media to control our relationships and how we perceive them. Like something they post but don’t do it too much. Answer their text but don’t seem too eager. Match on some app but don’t say anything if you cross paths. Play things cool. Be the one who cares less. Don’t make moves until you know with certainty you won’t get hurt making them.

That’s complete and total bullshit because until you are standing there in front of someone you haven’t stopped thinking about for the past few weeks or months and you’re shaking out of fear of telling them exactly how you feel and struggle to even find the words to clearly articulate it, wondering if they feel the same way or not, that’s living and that’s taking chances and that’s loving the right way.

And even if it’s not mutual at least you tried. Don’t tiptoe around how you feel because you’re afraid to get hurt or afraid they don’t feel the same way. Put it all on the line and I promise you things will be okay. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness and caring does make you seem less attractive when it’s the right person.

Those types of risks in life are what it’s all about. You don’t wait for confirmation across your phone, you go for it.
Tell people exactly how you feel and be okay with it. Don’t wait for the right moment. Because there are no right moments there is only now.

Shutting off that negative voice and controlling your happiness.

When you overcome with moments of complaining and negativity shift your focus.

Something shitty happened at work but how lucky are you to have a job.
Your sister stole your favorite shirt but how lucky are you to even have a sister.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend pissed you off but how great is it you’ve found them.

So much of life is about the things we tell ourselves and how we perspective of it.

Something you have that you complain about someone is praying for or lost. And that’s how you have to think of it.

Learning to take a step back and really look around and appreciate where you are and what you have will change how you feel about it.

Focus on problems that are actually problems and not the ones you are making one.

So many of the issues we have in our life we create ourselves.

Create a life you are proud of. Create a life that makes you happy. Create a life that shows you what living actually is.

Learn that as much as it’s your life the only way you are going to live a good one is if you do something greater than yourself. You give back and it isn’t to get something in return. When you realize the best thing you can give someone is your time and attention nothing else is going to matter. Anyone can write a check. Anyone can donate something. But until you are sitting there helping someone who can’t help you back you will never realize what is important in life.

Giving yourself. Giving your time. Giving your attention. Giving the best you have to someone. And what you walk away with is this feeling nothing else in your life can compare to. Not fame or fortune or promotions or raises.

Work is important.

And it’s going to take up a lot of your time. But what is really important are the things you do and why you do them and the relationships you build along the way.

However, you define success, whether it’s in what you achieve or the money you make or the life you create for yourself, the one thing that is more valuable than any dollar amount is the relationships you build and maintain and the impact you have on one another.

People aren’t going to remember what you did even if you spent your whole life doing it, they will remember how you made them feel while doing it.

The little things are what matter. And it might not seem like much in the moment. But show up to that thing. Set aside time to spend with your friend and talk. Call them on their birthday. Celebrate their success. Check-in. And don’t just let that relationship go. Really find out what is going on in their life. Feel with them through their own struggles and help them overcome it. Giving someone your time and attention is invaluable. And showing you care about them and doing things to prove it, will result in healthy relationships that get through anything.

We tend to wait.

We hold things off thinking we will have time to do it. Without realizing and valuing that time too is a gift.

That trip you’ve wanted to go on for so long, you look at every reason you shouldn’t right now but you look at flights often. You let any excuse get in the way of it.

You have financial goals of saving but suddenly you realize you aren’t actually living your life you are holding things off in hopes one day you can.

Live right now and in this moment.

Do everything you want to do and stop looking for reasons why now might not be a good time. There is never going to be a perfect time for anything and that’s what makes it exciting when you just do it.

We allow fear to get in the way of making the necessary changes that could lead us to ultimate happiness and fulfillment.

People are creatures of habit and routine that’s what we look for. But if you stay in the wrong place too long so much that it becomes your comfort zone, you’ll always be left wondering if there something more out there. Comfort zones aren’t meant for thriving and growing and people need to grow to be happy.

You want to change your life change how you view it and show gratitude.
You want to change your relationships learn to appreciate the ones you already have.
You want to feel love learn to love others.
You want to be happy stop focusing on the things that make you sad.
You want to appreciate life then do something for someone who can’t reciprocate it.
You want to stop waiting then stop making excuses of why now isn’t a good time.
You want to be happy with yourself and your life stop comparing it to others.
You want to have a job you like then quit the one you don’t.
You want to live a life you remember then do that thing that scares you.
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Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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