If I Never Met You

Roberto Nickson

If I never met you my favorite show would probably be different. The one you swore I’d like and made me binge watch even though I didn’t want to.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t know what real love was and what it meant to blindly take a chance on someone.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t know what being truly happy and content meant but with you I was.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t have learned to see myself through someone else’s eyes.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t freeze every time I hear that song getting taken back to moments where slow dances in the kitchen were simple and enough.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with that small city we met realizing I can find home thousands of miles away.

If I never met you I would probably be a little more afraid of leaving but I realize there is so much to be found in places I’ve never been. Because if people like you exist in other places I hope I meet them too.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t crave that food at 2 AM the one we’d always stop for before we went home.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t be as educated and well rounded about politics because I always wanted to beat you in our debates that you won.

If I never met you there’d be documentaries unwatched. Books unread. Movies I’d never even care to sit through. And songs unheard. Food untried. And restaurants that became ours.

If I never met you there would be pictures I might not cling to so tightly.And memories I don’t play on repeat in my mind.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what loss actually felt like and that sometimes someone’s absence can bring you to your knees.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know the pain I felt when it ended but I also wouldn’t know true happiness and love.

Moments where two AM met me with your arms pulling me in.

Moments where your fingers ran through my hair and I touch I still crave.

Moments where I’d freeze in the moment wondering how I got so lucky.

Moments where my favorite flowers sat on the table, ‘just because.’

Moments where that goodbye broke us both.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what tough love was.

I wouldn’t know about the games they play and be able to predict every move.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know how well to read people.And that sometimes they aren’t what they seem.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know about patience.

Because you tested me time and time again.

But I refused to give up on you.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know that sometimes the most beautiful people are the ones who endure the worst of things but come out on the other end resilient.

If I never knew you I wouldn’t know what it meant to never stop fighting for someone you love because I would have never given up on you.

I would have missed out on slow dances. And corny jokes. And that movie we watched in your basement. On a date I refused to call one.

The place you took me that was yours. If I told you I still go back there would you think I’m crazy?

Walks on the beach where we got lost in each other’s company.

Conversations where you seemed to understand everything I was thinking and feeling.

If I never met you I would have missed so many kisses. The ones that made me lose my breath.

You always seemed to go after the things you wanted and for long it was me. I admired you for that.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what it’s like to learn from someone.

I wouldn’t know about my own strength because you pushed me past my breaking point on so many occasions.

I wouldn’t know what it meant to look at someone after screaming with frustration but somehow find a resolution. Because no matter how bad it was or what was said we always found our way back to each other.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t have had to heal.

Finding comfort in the arms of strangers because goodbye without the word left me falling to my knees.

When you put faith in someone and they walk away that’s enough to change you into someone you aren’t.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know about my vices. The ones I blamed you for but in doing so I learned to take ownership of my life.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what it’s like to get up again after falling so hard.

If I never met you there might have been a lot of tears I didn’t spend crying myself to sleep at night. But I would have missed out on every good moment too.

The birthday you showed up for when you swore you weren’t coming.

The New Years where you stayed on the phone with me until midnight.

That moment you won your biggest game and I stood in an empty gym waiting for you to come out of the locker room And I jumped from the bleachers into your arms telling you how proud.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have a relationship that’s a team because as much as you wanted me succeeding and doing well, I wanted the same. As much as I was your fan you were mine.

The night out where slurred words spoke a sober heart. And you kissed me unapologetically.

You too learned to be patient with me because I didn’t trust too many people before you. And after you, you were the only one I believed in.

That I love you I waited so long to hear.

If I never met you I think I’d spend the rest of my life missing you, searching for someone who makes me feel a little more whole.

If I never met you sometimes I wonder about the person I’d be today.

I wonder would I have accomplished as much or was it your support and love that pushed me. Our teamwork and our ability to do anything we set our mind to. The truth is when you stood next to me I felt like anything was possible.

I looked at you like you were truly one of the best people I’ve ever known. Someone I feel lucky to have loved.

If I never met you I wonder what my standard would be for what I expect. Because you opened every door, you paid every tab, you were one of the few people who cared enough to make sure I stood on the inside of a sidewalk, even though I didn’t like that.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what it’s like to just look at someone across the room and be happy.

I wouldn’t know about sacrifice because at one point I would have gone anywhere and done anything for you.

I never stopped trying with you. I never gave up with you. Because you always seemed worth it.
And when people told me to walk away, I couldn’t seem to.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have someone love me at my worst. Because at moments of rock bottom when I was a version of myself neither of us recognized, you stayed.

When I was difficult to deal with and unkind, you tried to understand. When I did things I wasn’t proud of you forgave me, helping me to learn.

If I never met you there are so many nights I would have missed out on laughing over beers.

Conversations at 2 AM where we were just so honest.

A connection I didn’t think I’d find in someone else. I don’t know what it was we had but I am so happy to have had it.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know how far I could push myself because you never let me settle.
You were always that voice reminding me what I could do.

If I never met you there is an entire genre of books I probably wouldn’t have read.

Bars I wouldn’t have cared to go to just to see you and spend time with you.

If I never met you there are trips I probably wouldn’t have gone on because you were always the one who told me to take chances in life.

I wouldn’t know what it meant to learn to rely on myself because even though I turned to you often you taught me about my own strength.

If I never met you I probably would still be afraid of three words I swore I wouldn’t say again.
But they escaped my mouth so easily with you.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be truly vulnerable and watch every wall come crashing down telling you things I hadn’t even admitted to myself out loud.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t listen as closely to certain songs. And have a single artist I hear and in his voice I see your ghost singing along with me.

Moments where I asked you to drive me home just so I could spend more time with you.

Moments where you’d call ahead to where I was drinking just to buy me a round.

Moments you really went out of your way for me.

Moments where you really appreciated me and valued me and thanked me for what I did. But I looked at you in awe.

Moments where I’d come running into your arms sharing in my accomplishments, I can still hear your voice telling me how proud you are of all I’ve done.

But you were also there for the bad days too.

It was in you I learned how selfless love is.

Because I had to let you go even when I wanted to hold on tighter.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t look for you in everyone because it was in you I found parts of myself

If I never met you I wouldn’t know about loyalty. Because you stood by me through everything.

If I never met you my life would be a little less funny because you always knew how to make me laugh on days I couldn’t even smile.

If I never met you there would probably be shows I didn’t go to, the ones you took me to. Or the ones I went at when you played.

Standing front row watching you.

Songs you sang to me that I still replay smiling.

Slow dances where you made me feel like I was the only one in the room.

If I never met you I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have someone learn me so well that they change their behavior just to appease me and make my life easier.

Because there were things I didn’t like and you were so easy going just wanting to make me happy.

If I never met you I wouldn’t have known a family that became my own. Being welcome into holiday traditions and gifts that didn’t matter because spending time with you was enough.

If I never met you I wouldn’t have known what it was like to have someone meet me halfway.

If I never met you I probably wouldn’t have such high standards. Because you taught me chivalry isn’t dead even if you were the only one acting that way.

If I never met you I would have missed out on so many mornings where you say something simple like good morning beautiful. Or always say goodnight sleep well.

Moments where you showed up for every big moment and when I look back you’re there.

The birthdays. The family parties. The funeral. The vacations. The celebrations. And graduations. And jobs with promotions. The moments that broke us but we had each other.

You built me up and made me so much better than I ever thought I could be. Love does that to a person.

If I never met you I wouldn’t have changed for the better.

Some question soulmates but I meet certain people I know we were meant to meet each other for a reason. The love I felt doesn’t fade nor is it forgotten but keeping me whole even when they leave.

I believe there are some connections within us that will forever keep us bonded. And relationships that might end but love isn’t something that has to. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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