50 Micro Habits Narcissists Have To Maintain Control Of Their Victim

Kate Williams

1. They make you think you’ve exaggerated an event in the past.

2. They knock you down just to be the one to build you back up.

3. They groom you: hurt you only to make it up to you with a gesture.

4. They call until you pick up.

5. They show up places they know you’re at just to publicly humiliate you.

6. They threaten you and take things away.

7. They belittle you then wonder why your confidence is shaky.

8. They don’t have control of their emotions.

9. They threaten to leave and tell you it’s your fault. Because they want you to beg them to stay.

10. When it’s a toxic relationship that slightly resembles yours, they make you feel like an idiot for tolerating mistreatment when in reality what they do it worse but they don’t see it.

11. Backhanded compliments are their forte.

12. They downplay your success because they don’t want to see you do well.

13. They like to portray themselves as having a perfect life.

14. So they try to maintain this reputation.

15. They won’t do things themselves but if you do it wrong they’ll say, ‘I would have done it better.’

16. They think you are an extension of them.

17. They make you fear them.

18. They say you are too emotional or complicated.

19. They view vulnerability as weakness.

20. They truly believe no one can do things as good as them.

21. They manipulate you into believing no one will love you or take care of you the same way either.

22. They tell you-you’re too damaged to be loved.

23. When you don’t do what they want they resort to name calling.

24. It’s all about a fight for control.

25. In an attempt to try and gain control of your own life they won’t have it.

26. They make walking away really difficult.

27. They try and control money and situations to manipulate you.

28. They give love and take it away so easily.

29. They ruin days that aren’t all about them with fights and anger.

30. They snoop around wanting to know everything.

31. Then use anything they find they use as blackmail.

32. Whatever choice you make they will question it.

33. Which leaves a victim doubtful in indecisive with everything.

34. They struggle in showing emotions.

35. Which either makes the victim cold or really sensitive.

36. They never make you feel accepted for being yourself.

37. You don’t want to admit your mistakes because they will just use it against you.

38. They repress things then it all comes out at once in a storm of bad emotions.

39. They constantly tell you things they wish they could change about you.

40. Which leaves the victim uncertain of any standard of self worth.

41. When in reality negative remarks are a mere reflection of their own insecurity.

42. They say they want to help you but will be the first to sabotage you.

43. They lie and sneak around better than anyone.

44. Constructive criticism isn’t to help but rather make you feel bad about yourself for messing up in the first place.

45. Leaving the victim to strive for unattainable perfection.

46. When you resort to silence dealing with them, they try and provoke you.

47. Even when they are wrong they will never admit it.

48. As the victim becomes stronger they worry they will lose them.

49. Because they need this relationship more than the relationship needs them.

50. But the damage done is on one end someone who is emotionally destroyed and another person who thinks they are perfect. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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