We like to believe it’s only girls who end up in toxic relationships. That they are the victim and men are at fault. But that’s not always the case.
Just because of one’s gender we cannot so simply define that as the cause to what might be a toxic, emotionally maybe even physically abusive relationship.
The truth is these relationships come in all forms with victims of either gender. Just because men might be expected to be stronger and not show emotions is doesn’t mean they aren’t affected by a woman who could be toxic to them and their growth and what they deserve in relationships.
I think sometimes because of their gender it gets dismissed and not talked about or addressed.
When men aren’t encouraged to talk about it or feel they would not be supported they resort to silence and that silence is what gives a partner their control.
You try and ignore it and you tell yourself this isn’t as bad as it is. But here is this relationship that tears you down every chance they get. Physically, they go after you and maybe it doesn’t hurt but you stand there and take it. Verbally, maybe you say something mean back but toxic relationships go for the low blows that keep you up at night. Something you told them in confidence they use against you. Using anything they can as ammo to hurt you. Because if they control your emotions they control you.
The thing about toxic relationships is they learn you. They learn your every weakness. They learn every strength. They learn to navigate around it manipulating you however they choose.
Eventually, you just get tired. You walk away but they don’t make it that easy to do. You try and cut them off and they won’t have it. You resort to blocking their number and avoiding places they are at. Trying to remove them from your life and gain back that control and when power is what they are all about.
Then you start dating again. Fate brings you to someone who is genuine and kind without motivates and your immediate reaction is to reject it.
1. You remember when your ex-started off nice too.
You come out of this relationship guarded and closed off and wary of everyone. Because you remember exactly how your ex-changed. You remember the little things and red flags you ignored. So this time around that’s what you are looking for. You watch this new person closely because you will not let yourself end up in a relationship like the last one.
2. You play it cool and won’t admit you’re scared to start a new relationship.
Even if she was crazy, you refuse to be that ex that calls her that. You try and tiptoe around getting this person to understand the gravity of how bad your former relationship was without seeming weak. And you don’t want to paint her in such horrible light because you did care about her. Maybe you even loved her. But you can’t deny the fact that relationship tainted you a bit and you struggle trusting someone new.
3. Trust takes time.
You remember catching your ex-doing things that were questionable. Talking to people you didn’t trust. Pondering where she was and if she was lying. You believed what you wanted because it was easier that way.
So here’s this new person you have no reason to question but you do. And you know you can’t blame her for the past but there parts of you that haven’t healed yet.
It catches you off guard when she so simply explains everything. How you look at her and you actually believe what she is saying. You look at her and believe there is good in at least someone but you are still wary of it. But she’s patient with you even if she can’t fully understand or comprehend all of it.
4. You tell her little things piece by piece.
Whether ending up in a toxic relationship was your choice or something that blindly occurred. Maybe it reflected relationships you’ve seen in your life. As guarded as you might be and whatever mask you try and hide behind, here is this beautiful girl sitting in front of you taking it all in and carrying this baggage that isn’t hers to bare but in doing so she’s showing you she cares about your past because she wants to be in your future.
5. She fights for you.
Where you once knew someone who always picked fights and belittled you and made you feel like shit, here is this girl who would do anything to keep you. She’s in your corner with everything. She’d go against anyone she had to if it meant defending you and protecting you.
And you fight sometimes but you always makeup because the root of a good relationship are people who don’t stop fighting for one another.
6. You become vulnerable around her and she doesn’t use it against you.
In the past, your ex-used your moments of weakness and vulnerability against you. In doing so, you learned to repress and hide what you considered weak emotions. But here is this girl showing you, she won’t judge you for any of it. And you find yourself opening up to her in ways you never have anyone before. She sees you. Not who you pretend to be. Not who you are expected to be. But for exactly who you are.
7. She makes you a better man.
Suddenly you are motivated to become better and it isn’t to prove someone wrong or get back at another person. You want to become your best self because she deserves that. And you look at her and the things she’s overcome and you truly believe she was put on this earth for you and you are here to make her happy and love her and support her and be there for her as she has you. You look at her and you see your future suddenly not feeling guilty about the past anymore.
8. She’s so easy to love.
Where you once loved half of one person and tolerated the parts you didn’t like, here you are looking at this girl who is perfect in your eyes. Yeah, she has shortcomings and flaws but even those things you love too. It’s not difficult and that’s what she teaches you the right relationships aren’t.
9. You’d do anything for her.
You look at this girl who entered your life when you felt broken and lost and confused and guarded and she so simply found her way into your life and your heart and she stayed. Even when you were laying next to someone else, you felt like something or someone was missing. And you never knew what because you can’t identify it until it comes into your life and you look at her like she’s the missing piece you’ve wanted so badly.
10. You look at her and believe in love and soulmates.
You watch her do something cute out of the corner of your eye. You wake up with her in your arms and you’ve slept a little better. You look at her and truly believe not only is she the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen but the most beautiful person inside and out you get to call yours.
Suddenly all those songs make sense and you see her everywhere and in everything.
You say the words, ‘I love you’ and you wish you could take them back from anyone who’s heard them before because looking at her, she’s the real thing and the only person you want to spend the rest of your life loving.