The Ugly Honest Truth Is I’m Not Over You Yet

God & Man

The ugly honest truth is I know I should be.

I shouldn’t have fallen so hard or so quickly.

I should have known it would end this way.

Alone missing you.

I should have been a little more cautious with matters of the heart.

But you fell into my life so carelessly and so easily.

And before I could realize, I was already in too deep.

Then it was over.

And everything about you felt so close but so far.

I shouldn’t think of you as much as I do.

But how do you get over someone when everything reminds you of them?

There are some days it feels like I lost myself trying to keep you.

Then there are moments I realize you can never lose something that wasn’t yours to begin with.

But how do you explain this pain that’s the only thing that feels real these days?

Then there are days you are everywhere.

On every street corner.

In every song, I listen to.

In every book, I read.

In every part of me or at least the parts of myself I like.

Maybe I’m looking for you.

Looking for you in everyone I meet.

Because maybe if I find someone like you I’ll find myself again.

The ugly honest truth is I don’t know how to heal.

And I cling to pain like it’s some comfortable sweater.

When pain becomes your comfort zone how do you steer away from that?

When people become a home for your heart to reside how do you find a place to call yours when they all leave?

When their voice is the light guiding you and suddenly you’re overcome with an eerie silence how do you find your way again when you feel like you’re lost?

How do you move on when a company makes you feel lonelier than you did when you were by yourself?

Sometimes the arms of a stranger make you realize how well he really knew you and how much you want that connection you knew was rare when you found it.

The ugly honest truth is nothing about getting over someone is pretty or easy or fast.

The more you care about someone the longer it’s going to take to get over them. And the longer it takes that just proves they were someone really special.

Some days are gonna be fine. Some days you don’t think of them at all.

Then other days you wake up and you feel it in your chest and you fall to your knees and you hold back tears and you listen to music that brings you back to every memory that wasn’t supposed to turn into pain.

You realize how not over them you are.

And you don’t know when you will be.

So you take the pain as it comes and realize you hate how much it hurts but there is beauty within the pain that you can feel something that deeply for someone.

The ugly honest truth is you don’t just get over someone because they are gone or the relationship ends.

Sometimes it doesn’t hit you until months or weeks later when you realize they were the only ones who ever knew you to the core of who you were and without them, you gotta find yourself again. And it’s okay if you’re not there yet. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

But Before You Leave

“Losing you would be like losing part of me, only it’d be losing the best part of me.”

“Even if your voice is shaking, never stop asking for what you want.”

Kirsten’s writings really touch me. It’s like all the things I have ever thought of or wanted to say are expressed through her writing. I resonate with so much of it. It’s so deeply touching, moving, raw and just plain real. There were times reading I teared up because something said just went straight to my heart. I think I honestly highlighted almost the whole book! —Elizabeth

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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