Sometimes I Wonder What Would Have Happened If We Got It Right

Paola Chaaya

Sometimes I wonder if we dated when you were ready even though I wasn’t.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I trusted you sooner and didn’t test you so much.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t care about my reputation as much as I did. Because when you kissed me drunk that night I wasn’t upset. I wanted more I was just afraid to ask for it.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I transferred colleges like you told me to.

But I needed to know how to identify myself without you being attached to it.

What I found though, was no matter where I went you were you were under my skin and within me. The core of who I was were bits and pieces of you and the person you made me.

Sometimes I wonder if we stopped making excuses where would we be now?

Sometimes I wonder were you actually on your way or were you always going to cancel.

And was I always destined to wait?

With you, I always felt I was waiting on a platform for a train that was never going to come in the first place.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I cheated on my boyfriend that night.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I told I loved you when I knew.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I fought harder.

Sometimes I wonder if things were different would I be the one on the other end of a four-sentence question, I would have said yes to instead of her.

Sometimes I wonder if we never met what would happen? Who would I love? Where would I be now?

But then I remember everything I am is because of you.

Sometimes I wonder if I even affected you at all and if so how?

Sometimes I wonder if it could have ever been me? TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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