He Moved On So What Are You Still Holding Onto

God & Man

I know what it’s like to hold onto someone and something a little bit tighter than you should. I know what it’s like to still think of them when you used to talk about your future even if it was one that was uncertain.

I know what it’s like going to bed alone and wishing they were right there with you. Maybe thinking back to a time when they were.

Lost love doesn’t just go away because the person did. It lingers. But the past only haunts you as long as you let it.

You’re watering a dead plant loving someone who has moved on.

You can’t keep doing this to yourself.

You can’t keep clinging to something and someone just because.

You can’t keep coming back hoping that maybe something will change.

That’s not how it works. And if you keep doing that, if you keep replaying the past and holding on so tightly to something and someone you should let go of you’re gonna continue to be alone. Or worse you’ll be in the arms of people who make you feel that way.

I would love to tell you one day he wakes up and realizes you’ve loved him this whole time.

In fact, I’m sure there are moments it hits him, he knows ‘she loved me with everything she had.’ And even he wants you to move on and heal because you deserve to. You deserve someone who loves you as deeply as you loved him. And you deserve to not hurt anymore.

But you have to realize the only reason you might still be hurting is because now you’re doing it to yourself. It’s no longer someone else causing you pain when you’re clinging to a memory. That’s on you.

You wake up alone thinking of him while he’s waking up next to someone he loves, someone he’s built a life with, someone he sees in his future.

He’s never going to suddenly choose you.

You were a nice idea and it hurts that that’s all it ever was but you have to accept that.

You have to learn to live with the fact he didn’t choose you. That’s what it comes down to in black and white.

The hardest thing about moving on from people and relationships is understanding the reason something didn’t work out is because the other person didn’t want it to. And you can’t want something enough for the both of you to make it work.

I urge you to let go because you deserve to be happy.

There is someone out there who will make you forget him but you have to want to get over him yourself too. You have to want to heal to have a relationship. And you’ll never have a healthy relationship with anyone if you keep holding onto this idea and what ifs and the maybes.

I know it hurts to let go. But what hurts more is watching you do this to yourself. You don’t deserve to cling to pain. But that’s what you are used so I understand why you do it. But the moment you let go, the moment you leave all this behind, the moment you are brave enough to realize you deserve better, you’ll get it. You just have to get out of your own way first. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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