Based On His Chinese Zodiac This Is The Type Of Fuckboy He Is

God & Man

Rat

1996, 1984, 1972, 1960

The gym rat.

This will be the guy who wants to plan dates at the gym and try to talk you into meal prep. All the while you’re hiding the donut you ate for breakfast and telling him it was a shake. The only thing he has to add to a conversation is about workouts.

Ox

1997, 1985, 1973, 1961

The one not ready for a relationship right now.

He’s never going to be ready because he doesn’t want to be.

Tiger

1998, 1986, 1974, 1962

The one who calls you the wrong name in bed.

He plays it off like it didn’t actually happen but it did actually happen and there’s an awkward silence after where you’d rather be anywhere else.

Rabbit

1999, 1987, 1975, 1963

The one who tries to convince you a threesome is a good idea.

He’s set on having a threesome and he thinks you’re the girl who likes him enough to say yes to it.

Dragon

2000, 1988, 1976, 1964

The one who makes future promises.

That date that never happens. The friends you never meet. The plans he constantly falls through on.

Snake

2001, 1989, 1977, 1965

The one also trying to get with your friend.

All the while she’s telling you what’s going down and you’re just watching him be a complete and total idiot.

Horse

1990, 1978, 1966

The one who is self-absorbed.

He says things about himself and you just know no matter how much you might learn to tolerate him he’ll never care about you as much as he loves himself.

Goat

1991, 1979, 1967

The one your parents love.

This is the worst type of fuckboy. The one who wins your parents over and is playing some fucked up social media game of liking your pictures. Ignored your texts. Just doing everything to mess with your head and you can’t even say anything to your parents because you’re pretty sure they like him more than you.

Monkey

1992, 1980, 1968

The Narcissist.

This is the person who uses the word I so much you can almost put the phone down and walk away and he’s probably still talking about himself.

Rooster

1993, 1981, 1969

The one who sends dick pics.

You suddenly open your phone and there’s just this dick sitting there and you still have not grasped why guys do this. You don’t want that shit. You don’t even know how to respond. You’re getting brought back to your college days where you dated boys not men. And here they are again.

Dog


1994, 1982, 1970

The mommy’s boy.

He turns to his mom for everything. And regardless of how wonderful you might be, she’s never going to really like you.

Pig

1995, 1983, 1971

The one who will ghost you.

When you have plans and you confirm them only he doesn’t answer and you never hear from him again and you don’t even want an explanation you just wish you had that time back you wasted. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

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