Dating Today Makes Me Very Confused

God&Man

It’s anticipating the worst just because that’s always how it’s played out in the past.

So you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you manage your expectations.

It’s every step you take being one that’s cautious because you fear making the wrong move.

You fear saying the wrong thing. You fear coming on too strong. You fear making a mistake that someone will judge you entirely for.

We are a generation that has turned into people not looking for our best attributes, instead, they look for your flaws and any reason to leave. Any small glitch and you’re done.

And because of this, we all walk around paranoid AF.

When one wrong text, one wrong word, one wrong move can make or break you we’re all cautious versions of ourselves trying so hard to not mess up.

You stare at your phone and wonder why they haven’t answered in hours.

Then they finally do and you play coy with when to answer not wanting it to be so soon.

When what’s really going through everyone’s mind is why can’t just talk to someone I want to.

Because then it’s too easy. Then you come on too strong.

We are a generation that has programmed everyone to want to be the one to want who cares less.

You stare at snapchat and see that they opened it but why haven’t they responded.

Then it frustrates you because they looked at your story that you only posted in hopes they’d see it.

When a like puts you over the edge and an unfollow ends a relationship that might not have even begun how do we even have normal relationships?


When everyone is swiping for likes but running from love how do we form emotional connections when everyone’s guard is up?

When did a clever pickup line turn into three letters DTF?

When did ghosting replace actually trying to solve the problem at hand and work through it?

When did sex become so normal and not valued?

When did relationships become something to fear?

When did caring stop being cool as we all pretend we don’t give a fuck about anyone but ourselves.

When did canceled plans become more normal than keeping your word and showing up on time?

When did texting and talking replace actual courting?

When did a follow and a like suddenly hold such value?

These are the questions that run through my mind.

When you look at it really, what has become normal in today’s generation of dating is so fucked up.

I hope for the best of people. But when you’re like me, someone who is a hopeless romantic and very old school when it comes to relationships, I find myself running in these circles with people who look more for excuses then taking a chance.

I find myself falling into these expectations that are dating today when even I know it’s bad.

I find myself more guarded than I’ve ever been before.

I find myself more anxious. Because when every move you make could be the wrong one you just stand there frozen.

I remember when there wasn’t so much value or rules on things that didn’t matter.

Someone liked you, you might have liked them. You went on a date.

There weren’t these hurdles of social media you were forced to jump through. Likes didn’t add validation to how someone felt when they were straight up telling you on the phone or in person.

I expect the worst and I keep giving my best. And I just hope I’ll meet someone who meets me halfway through this confusion that has become dating. Someone who adds clarity to the chaos we’ve created. But most the time I’m just very confused by it all. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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