There is nothing romantic about loving someone who loves someone else. And it never works out the way you want it too. Because the truth is if someone is standing right in front of you and still choosing someone else, their mind isn’t going to change. And there isn’t a kind enough gesture or anything you can do to change that.
But the thing you have to remember it isn’t your responsibility to change how someone feels about you.
It seems the ones we can’t have are always the ones we want the most.
Everything about it hurts though.
Here you are standing there with all of these emotions you can’t even control or know what to do with. So you try and hide how you feel only that makes it more obvious.
When you love someone and you try and deny it, it’s written across your face for everyone to see and when it’s someone you shouldn’t care about it’s just awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. You don’t bother saying anything because you know nothing will come of it.
So you tiptoe around this elephant in the room no one wants to talk about or address.
But everything eventually comes out and when it does it’s ugly and emotional and heartbreaking and straight up awkward.
And you feel guilty and ashamed by it. Because you shouldn’t feel the way you do but you can’t help it.
You feel jealous towards someone you might not even know. This jealousy turns you into a version of yourself you hate. Because it isn’t like you to be like this. You end up almost ruining the relationship.
You feel like an idiot having feelings for someone who cares about someone else and you blame yourself for all of it.
You walk away with your head down, everyone involved needing time and space and you don’t even know if there is anything left to salvage in a relationship that wasn’t actually one.
This person goes from a friend to a stranger and there is a pain to that and there is guilt on each side. You feel bad for making their life worse and they feel bad for hurting you.
But time does end up healing the situation.
And you realize if the worst thing about you is that you loved someone you weren’t supposed to a little too much, that’s not too bad in the long run.
If you’re lucky, if you’re really lucky you figure out a way to get past it.