I’m Slowly Learning To Not Blame Myself When Things End

God & Man

I’m slowly learning to not analyze why something ended but rather let it go with a little bit of grace and dignity.

I’m slowly learning that goodbye doesn’t have to hurt. But what hurts is clinging to the past.

I’m slowly learning to let go of the things I need to. The people no longer meant for me.

I’m slowly learning to stand still when someone walks away instead of chasing them. That the right people will, in fact, be the ones that stay.

I’m learning to not analyze my reflection thinking maybe there was something I lacked. Or something I did wrong. But rather understanding the difference between being good enough for someone and being right enough for them.

I’m slowly learning to stop revisiting my past because I can’t change anything that happened there. And sometimes I won’t ever get the answered of why things happened as they did.

I’m slowly learning to not stare at my phone hoping maybe this will be the day I hear from you. That maybe you changed your mind.

I’m slowly learning there are some mistakes I can’t change. Some people that might not forgive me. But that shouldn’t influence me forgiving myself and trying to move forward. That sometimes the best thing to do is learn.

I’m slowly learning to not waste any more time then I have.

I’m slowly learning to take responsibility for my happiness.

I’m slowly learning to wake up and start my day on a good foot even if it still hurts sometimes.

Even if they still meet me in dreams that feel like nightmares.

I’m slowly learning to not let other people’s actions control how I’m feeling. Because yes it sucks it’s over but I can’t change it.

I’m learning to not focus so much on the things I don’t have but rather appreciate what I do.

That one person might be gone but so many others aren’t.

To stop putting my happiness in the hands of someone else. Because I did that and they left.

I’m slowly learning what it’s like to really live alone and try and be happy with it.

And knowing that it’s okay when there are some days I’m not there yet.

I’m slowly learning to not rely on someone so much.

I’m slowly learning what it’s like to sleep alone at night even when I’m used to someone next to me.

I’m slowly what it feels like to wake up to silence and not hear or read on a scream, “good morning beautiful.”

I’m learning to cheer for myself when something good happens.

And learning what it’s like to be the one to pick myself up when I’ve fallen.

I’m slowly learning what it feels like to walk into a room alone confidently.

That I don’t need a plus one.

I’m slowly finding again the things I like to do even if it means doing them alone.

I’m learning to find comfort in silence.

Company when I’m alone.

And happiness looking back at me in the mirror.

I’m slowly learning that letting go doesn’t mean I’m weak when it’s someone who brings me to my knees.

I’m learning what it’s like to be alone.

And I’m learning that I like it. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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