Girls Who Are Used To Being Single Make The Best Girlfriends

God & Man

When you’ve been single for a long period of time that’s not what scares you. You might make the ‘I’m single’ jokes but in your heart you know, that’s not going to be the case forever. Sometimes you get frustrated when another prospect doesn’t work out, sometimes you look at yourself and wonder is it something you’re doing? But you hold onto both patience and faith that your relationship status will change.

But it’s isn’t your priority. In fact, you’ve never understood people who couldn’t do the solo thing. You watch friends relationship hop and you think the only thing worse than a long period of being single is that. Needing someone and not knowing what it’s like to be alone. That’s what you fear.

You fear someone robbing you of your independence. You fear a relationship taking over your life. You fear watching your other relationships dwindle. Because when you’ve been single for a long period of time, you don’t focus on some status, you focus on the relationships you do have in your life. The idea of losing those people isn’t something you could even bare.

But that’s why people who have been single for long periods of time end up in the best relationships.

They don’t need someone to be happy—

They don’t rely on someone else for their happiness, they know that’s something they have to find themselves.

They only enter relationships when they have something to bring to the table—

The people who are best in relationships are the ones who enter a relationship when they are ready not when they are lonely. They know the best relationships aren’t the ones that consume you but rather the ones where you each bring something unique to one another’s lives.

They aren’t clingy—

If clinging to the wrong people in the past and trying to force relationships that were never going to be one, taught them anything it’s that you have to give people breathing room. We think that the girls who are single have some flaw or there is something wrong with them but that isn’t always the case.

They are honest—

Being blunt and saying things like it is, is what they are best. Girls who have been single for long periods of time have smoke blown so far up their ass, they almost have to come out of it laughing. (Well because they spent enough time crying.) They know what it’s like to be lied to and deceived and told everything you want to hear. Because of that, they didn’t turn cold they became smart. They learned to believe what people do, not what they say. They’ve learned to be honest. These girls will never lie to you. They will never lead you on. They will never keep you in the dark. Solely because they know what it’s like to be there and they never want to make someone feel that way.

They communicate very well—

Unlike a lot of girls who want you to guess what’s wrong. They don’t play that game. They tell you what’s wrong, they want to work with you through it. In their past, guys have walked away at the first sign of something going wrong. But with them, they fight for you. They fight for the relationship. They believe in fixing things not giving up on them.

They give you space because they need their own—

When she’s been single for a long period of time relationships don’t automatically come to the top of her priority list. While it’s a priority, she doesn’t abandon everything else that was a priority before. Girls who have been single for a while, learn about independence. They learn to enjoy doing things on their own. They learn to walk into a room confidently without holding someone else’s hand. They are strong. They are independent. They don’t need anyone so when they choose to be with someone understand, it isn’t because they need you it’s because they want you.

They know the difference between wants and needs—

This is important because understanding the difference between someone who is actually good for you and someone you want to be good for you is vital. These girls have given themselves completely to wrong people who didn’t deserve it. They’ve given their all to people who haven’t even met them halfway. They look at relationship not in hopes of filling some void but rather who can add more to my life than I can add to my own.

They learn not to settle—

Girls who have been single for a while learned the hard way about settling. At one time maybe they chose the wrong people, people who gave them bits and scraps of what was left, while they invested their heart fully. From there, they learned. They learned about their expectations and if someone doesn’t meet them, it isn’t their job to prove they deserve his best. They simply move on to someone worthy and appreciative of it.

They learned to play smart—

Girls who have been single for a long period of time pride themselves on not playing games or messing with people’s emotions. But they also learn if everyone else is playing this game and they keep getting hurt playing by their own rules, they learn both the ins and outs of what is dating today. They hold true to their values and standards. They aren’t playing hard to get, they learn to walk around with a chip on their shoulder and standards so high that the person either steps up or they walk away.

They don’t fall fast or hard—

Everyone has this assumption the second you give attention to the girl who hasn’t been in a relationship she’s suddenly gonna just fall for the first person who makes a pass at her. That’s not the case. She might have been too trusting in the past with whom she gave her heart too but she learned to take things slow. Earn someone’s trust. Let them prove they deserve your best before putting those cards on the table. In the past, these girls might have overcompensated but it was through that they learned. They learned they are enough. They’ve always been enough.

They are loyal—

Once you do get them in a relationship you don’t have to worry. Being single for a while makes them value you and the relationship more than anything. They value you. They respect you. Because it isn’t that no one wanted them but rather it took a while to find the right person. Being single they learned to be really selective and in that time, they established standards for themselves through every person in the past who fell short.

They won’t hold back loving you—

When someone has been single for a while they have all this good to give to someone who deserves it. In the past, they always gave their best to the wrong people. But finding the right person not only enhances their good qualities it shows them, they weren’t doing it wrong this whole time.

Because girls who have been single for a while might be bad at getting to a relationship but they are good at keeping them once they get there.

And when you don’t have something you learn to appreciate finally getting it.
TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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