Overthinking Makes Me Impossible To Love But I Appreciate The People Who Do

God & Man

I’m not an easy person to love. I’ll be the first to admit that.

I’m not an easy person to be friends with either.

And it has nothing to do with the type of person I am but rather this exhausting habit of constantly overthinking every little thing.

It’s the apologies that aren’t needed. And the long texts I need to send but shouldn’t. The scenarios I make up in the mind. The going from zero to hundred and not being able to slow down.

It’s the constant fear of people leaving sometimes I push them away.

It’s constantly thinking someone is mad at me or doesn’t like me. And I’m always thinking why. I’m always picking myself apart but on the surface, I try to play it cool.

The term emotionally exhausted has an entirely new meaning for people who overthink.

And when you get close to me how this isn’t just something little in my life, it completely dictates every part of it to a point where I am completely paralyzed.

No matter how good something may be in my life I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m constantly looking for any sign that any fleeting moment of happiness will be followed by something traumatic.

Because it happens all the time. And people who overthink hate how accurate they are expecting it.

Half the time I’m completely wrong and I laugh at myself a bit. But then the other half of the time I am so accurate it hurts. And my friends look at me wondering how I predicted exactly what would occur.

It’s being so observant and I notice the slightest change in tone or the way someone texts or even a minor delay. I go back a reread what you said thinking of ten different ways they might have taken that.

It’s the what-ifs that haunt every inch of my body. And people tell me not to worry but that doesn’t stop the rushing thoughts that act as some plague to my mind.

And maybe it’s a lack of confidence in myself. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence in whatever the relationship is whether it’s friendship or a relationship. But whatever the cause may be the other person has to be the strong one. The other person has to know exactly what to say. The other person has to learn to read me and know when something is just a worry or it’s urgent.

It’s the constant phrases I hear of it’s okay.

We are okay. Take a deep breath. Everything will be fine.

Those words cannot be said enough.

When you choose to be a part of someone’s life who constantly overthinks understand the root of their worries comes down to losing you. And yeah they might come across as bat-shit crazy when they send too many texts or calls but if you can understand this isn’t their fault and they are doing their best and they really do love you, maybe you’d get it.

When you choose to be a part of someone’s life who constantly overthinks understand the importance of unconditional love. Because if you can accept this part of them they will love you so deeply and do anything for you. And that unconditional love you show them in moments they break down means more to them than you know.

Everything you say they constantly reread or replay in their head completely counting their blessings for you.

When you choose to be a part of someone’s life who constantly overthinks listening and communicating are key. Listen to every fear they have. Listen to how they came up with that conclusion. The paragraph texts will come in full force but those are things they need to say for their own peace of mind. Then after you listen to be very clear about what you think and where your head is at. Honesty is the most important thing with people like this.

When you choose to be a part of someone’s life who constantly overthinks understand they will do anything you tell them to improve or try and make this a little more tolerable. But the root of learning to live with this flaw comes in the form of you accepting it and teaching them how to.

Overthinkers will bombard you with questions and even when you’re honest they might doubt you. Even when you are good and they have no reason to question anything their mind will make you out to be the enemy.

People who overthink are in a constant tug of war between trusting people and trusting themselves. But sometimes their mind leads to complete and total self-destruction.

While it’s not easy to be an overthink it’s a task also to love one and constantly choose them. But there is a reason people do because past all the thoughts and late night texts is someone so genuine and caring, everyone realizes they are completely worth it.
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Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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