Why The Girls With The Best Hearts Find Themselves In Toxic Relationships

God & Man

It always seems the best kindest people I know end up in these relationships with these people who don’t deserve all they have to offer. I find myself wondering both about them and myself. Why do we choose these types of people? Why is this recurring theme so dominate in our lives? Different person. The same type of person. Same attraction. The same cycle we can’t seem to get ourselves out of. Same endings that crush us. And we think it’s our fault or it’s us to blame and maybe it is. Maybe we have to be more cautious. Use our head instead of our heart. But that’s never easy for people like us.

They say it’s weak people who end up in toxic relationships but I believe these people have a strength that goes unrecognized and unappreciated.

But it’s these people who end up changing others through being good and kind. They ones that leave mark on even the cruelest and undeserving hearts.

1. They see the good in everyone.

There is something about people with good hearts, it isn’t that they are blind or naive to someone’s flaws. They see it clear as day but they make a deliberate choice to channel their energy into someone’s best qualities.

While this is a good trait to have it also is their greatest flaw because they will ignore every red flag thrown their way.

2. They give too many chances.

All you need to say when you mess up is I’m sorry. That’s it for them. They move completely forward giving you another shot.

This becomes a problem when the toxic person knows they can say and do whatever and anyone with a good heart will always welcome you with open arms.

There are some people who don’t deserve even two chances to burn you then they go and give them ten only to get hurt every time.

3. They never treat someone the way they are treated.

They know what it’s like to be treated badly and they will never deliberately make the choice to hurt someone. They will never give someone a taste of their own medicine. They don’t believe in hurting anyone even if the person hurts them.

They truly believe in goodness.

4. They forgive and forget easily.

They really do have an ability to just forget even the worst moments. Their friends have to remind them, remember this person did this, that, and another thing.

The truth is no matter how many times they get hurt by someone they don’t hold onto pain. They let it go carelessly and easily.

They don’t fear wearing their heart on their sleeve.

They will pour their hearts out to people who don’t deserve their love. Their ability to love deeply knows no bounds. They just never run out of love to give people.

Loving hard comes very naturally to them and they do it fearlessly. What is hard about being like this is they give other people the love they should be giving themselves.

5. They give more than they get.

They don’t expect anything of anyone yet they’ll give the shirt on their back to someone who might not even deserve it. They will constantly go out of their way and go the extra mile for the people they care about.

The problem arises in toxic relationships when people take advantage of it. They go from appreciating it to expecting it then getting mad when the person doesn’t keep up that standard.

What it teaches is the constant need to always try to win someone over through gestures even when it’s not reciprocated and that’s when it becomes toxic.

6. They don’t judge someone’s mistakes.

They are so accepting of everyone and everything. Tell them the worst thing you’ve ever done or the worst thing that has ever happened to you and I promise they will accept and teach you how to.

They lack judgment because they know even they make mistakes and have done things they aren’t proud of.

The problem is when a toxic person doesn’t learn from their mistakes and the person with a good heart is the one that gets hurt because of it.

7. They gravitate towards people with baggage.

People with good hearts love seeing the underdog overcome something. So they always end up in these relationships with people who have a tough past. But they don’t judge them for it but accept them.

It becomes toxic though when they get handed too much. When this person relies on them really heavily. When this person doesn’t know how to properly channel all of their emotions and instead of doing it in a healthy way, they take it out on the person who has been there.

They know the person with a good heart can handle them at their worst and that’s exactly what you get.

8. They don’t use words to hurt people.

People with good hearts know the power words have. They have watched themselves fall apart because of others choosing to take them down with harsh and cruel words. They’ve watched themselves cry over texts they’ve reread.

People with good hearts truly don’t understand unkindness. Because they don’t have a mean bone in their body.

In toxic relationships, toxic people have a sour tongue and lack remorse. When a toxic person develops a deep relationship with someone with a good heart, they get to know them better than anyone but that also means they know exactly what to say to take them down and they do.

9. They aren’t confrontational.

They avoid fights. They will apologize even when it’s not their fault. They will never call you out on something and they don’t stick up for themselves too much.

Toxic people see someone like this and they are attracted to the fact they know they can control them. And people with good hearts simply try and appease them.

10. They want to save people.

They don’t look at someone who is damaged and broken as someone who is flawed. They look at it as a challenge. They look at it as someone they want to fix.

But in the attempt to try and fix someone toxic, they lose pieces of themselves trying to keep someone whole.

11. They hate giving up on anyone.

Toxic relationships run in these tireless circles because people with good hearts refuse to give up on someone they believe in. People with good hearts see people others look past and they want to be right about them. So they stand by them months or years in hopes that they become this person they knew they would be. But the cost is getting hurt because a toxic person has got to learn on their own.

12. They think they can change people.

People with good hearts think they can change people but the change doesn’t occur while in the relationships. Toxic relationships ruin everyone involved. It isn’t until the relationship is over does the toxic person reflect on this good person they did have and took advantage of. There’s this moment where they realize how horrible they were to this person who deserved it least. And it’s only then when each person has moved on do they change.

People with good hearts change toxic people but toxic people destroy the good ones.

Anyone with a good heart finally does walk away from their toxic half but it kills them to do so. They feel like they’ve let them down. But then they realize it’s for their own good. Then they have to learn to heal from a relationship that took such an emotional toll on them.

Because while they were loving this toxic person who couldn’t love them back, fully or right in that time their good heart changed.

They suddenly become to trust anyone including themselves a little less. They have walls that are so high that they never had up before. They question everyone and everything because of one person.

People with good hearts sacrifice themselves to try and save someone but the cost was self-destruction in the process. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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