This Is What You Take From Them When You Cheat


When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. – The Kite Runner

When I sat across the table listening as she told me the story of her breakup, the words cheating left me hating someone I didn’t even know. Here before me sat this beautiful girl inside and out and the only thought that crossed my mind was how could anyone cheat on someone like you? The next thought that crossed my mind was it’s his loss.

But I listened to fine details as she questioned herself like it was her fault. Like it was something she did wrong. Like she was to blame for someone’s inability to see her worth and value. And as she ran over details questioning everything and I watched as she broke before me. I saw firsthand the effects cheating had on someone. And all I wanted to do was hug her and tell her his loss will be someone’s gain. But I knew in my heart she wouldn’t believe me because he didn’t just take away a relationship from her he took so much more in an act selfishness.

When you cheat what you take away from someone is their self-confidence. Suddenly they are looking at their reflection like there’s something they need to improve on and change.

When you cheat what you take away from someone is their self-respect. You made them look like a fool because you couldn’t be loyal.

When you cheat what you take away from someone is the right to the truth. Suddenly everything in the past feels like a lie as they run over details that used to make them smile they can’t anymore.

When you cheat what you take away from someone is disbelieving in love. Because what you teach them is it’s a lie. And they never fully get over that or let someone that close in the future.

I sat on a barstool across the table from my ex and I knew I’d come for answers that would be hard to hear. Maybe that’s why I didn’t cry when he owned up to everything. Maybe that’s why I didn’t flinch when he admitted it. Maybe that’s why I sat there calmly with a mature response I didn’t know I had in me at 21. “If you are learning from this experience even if it’s at the cost of breaking my heart and it makes you better for the next relationship then that’s all I can hope for.”

When you cheat what you take away from someone are nights of sleep as they toss and turn because the truth completely blindsided and traumatized them.

When you cheat what you take away from someone is their happiness because you were this person who made them so happy but all of that is gone now and there is this cold reality it was never real, to begin with.

When you cheat what you take away from someone is trusting anyone because no matter how many compliments you gave them something tells them it wasn’t enough and that’s why you weren’t loyal.

When you cheat what you leave them with is a crippling pain as they break down at random times during the day feeling completely ashamed of it. Because you don’t just get over someone cheating that easily.

I looked at her as I ordered a drink smiling. Then I looked at him across the room. Part of me wanted to tell her what I knew. Girl code. She deserved the truth. But she also deserved better. I just didn’t want to be the one to break it to her. I knew it wasn’t in my place. I knew karma or fate would eventually reveal the ugly cards he was playing in some game he thought he made up the rules to. So I said thank you and I walked away.

When you cheat you ruin them. You destroy them. You leave them insecure. You leave them doubting themselves.

When you cheat what you leave them with is a strength they didn’t even know they had and they know they can overcome anything.

When you cheat what you leave them with is a new found self and being so cautious no one will ever hurt them that way again.

When you cheat what you leave them with is knowing it was your loss this whole time and not theirs.

When you cheat what you leave them with is an opportunity and a chance to meet someone who would never even think to cheat on them because your mistake is someone’s prayers finally answered.

When you cheat you give them a happy ending you didn’t deserve to be a part of in the first place.

So cheat if you want to. Lie. Sneak around. But know the truth no matter how coy you think you are always will get revealed. And in the end, it’s you who ends up alone and eventually, you will get a taste of your own medicine. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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