You Pull Her In Close Just To Push Her Away

God & Man

“Counting my footsteps, praying the floor won’t fall through, again. And my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore I was fine. You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain. And I lived in your chess game. But you changed the rules every day.” -Taylor Swift

It’s never the same story with someone like you.

Someone like you likes knowing she cares

Likes knowing she’d do anything for you regardless of how you treat her.

You get off on the games you play and watching her try a little harder.

She thinks you’re nice.

She thinks you like her.

She thinks all these things then you pull away and wonder why she thinks that?

But it isn’t her that’s crazy or delusional.

She feels a certain way because you’ve led her to believe that there are moments you do.

It’s every false promise you’ve told her.

It’s every night you let her stay.

It was every time you’ve led her on.

Every time you let her fall for you knowing very well you don’t care enough to catch her.

Then you have the nerve to question why she fell in the first place?

Like it’s her fault she’s hurt.

The only difference between the two of you is her feelings don’t change even when yours do.

She doesn’t need to fuck with you to gain confidence that you care.

It’s a text here. A like there. A snap chat.

It’s trying to get her attention just so you know you have it.

And in the rare chance she doesn’t answer quickly, you blow up her phone more.

It’s taking and all she does is give without asking for much in return.

You like her but not enough to make her yours.

You like her only when she’s playing your game.

You like her. Then you show her. Then you pull away.

Maybe you care and don’t want to admit it.

Maybe it’s all about a game for you.

But people’s feelings aren’t some game.

Everything is according to your agenda.

Meanwhile, she’s just living her life watching as this pattern of yours exhausts her.

The thing about someone like her is she doesn’t need you. She’s choosing you.

She’s choosing someone who doesn’t choose her and eventually she’ll get tired of it.

And I know you think she’s weak for tolerating the way you treat her.

I know you look down on her.

But one day she’s going to hit her breaking point.

And once she does she’s never coming back.

When that happens it’ll be her ghost that haunts you.

It’ll be her love you miss.

And you’ll look for her in others and she’ll never be found. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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