When You’re Holding Onto Something You Gotta Let Go

God & Man

It’s the texts that go unanswered and the silence that feels like hours waiting for your response.

And the thoughts that float in my mind is, are you over it? Are you over me? Am I making this up in my head? But something about us just doesn’t feel right these days.

I used to be confident in you and how you felt now I’m not.

I keep trying to fix this but I don’t know if it’s something I can fix. And it’s hurting me to do so.

Sometimes more damage is caused trying to put broken pieces back together when in reality sometimes you have to simply leave it.

But I’ve never been someone who gives up that easy. But it’s like I’m trying to put these pieces back together and I’m cutting my own fingers in the process.

I’m over here overcompensating just to give you a reason to stay but it shouldn’t be like that.

You keep telling me we’re fine. But nothing about this feels fine it’s like neither of us wants to say what’s so obvious.

I look at you and it’s like I’m looking at a familiar stranger.

Maybe we don’t want to accept the fact it’s really over. Or maybe that’s just me So I avoid it. And instead of addressing the issue we’re doing some dance of being awkwardly polite.

And we’re talking but no one is actually saying anything.

I don’t want to give up on you or us but sometimes fate has other plans. This forever I used to say with confidence I avoid thinking about because if the word rolls off my tongue now, it stings a little and I know I’m lying.

The pictures we post are of us smiling and that happy couple that looks the same but I lay next to you and it feels like we are miles apart.

And I wish we could go back to a time where we were crazy about each other. But you can’t go back and I fear going forward because I know we’re bound to be going in different directions.

So we are standing still holding hands afraid to let go but I don’t know how much more I can hold on and lie to myself about this.

I think part of me will always love you. But I can’t keep wondering how you feel about me. I can’t keep waking up wondering will this be the day you say goodbye.

I can’t keep trying to save something that only I seem to care about these days.

And I keep looking at my reflection questioning if it’s me that’s done something wrong here.

Running over details in the past wondering. Looking at other girls and thinking they can give you something I can’t seem to. And it hurts.

It kills me to let go. But it’s hurting me to hold on to something that’s not here anymore.

It hurts me thinking about where we used to be.

Things have changed. We both have changed.

Your smile is still one that makes my heart skip a beat. I still look at you as my best friend. My favorite company. And I don’t know if I can do better than someone who has been the absolute best to me.

But these days I haven’t been sleeping. I miss you and you’re sitting right in front of me. But I miss more who we used to be.

I think my greatest fear isn’t letting go. My greatest fear is discovering that you already did a long time ago.
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About the author

Kirsten Corley

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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