There’s This Old Dating Trend Called Chivalry We Need To Bring Back

God & Man

Breadcrumbing. Ghosting. Cushioning. Breezing. Curving. Soft Nexting.

Breadcrumbing- I’m going to flirt with you via text and on every form of social media but not do anything about it IRL.

Ghosting- I’m going to drop the fuck off the radar with no reason as to why other than I feel like it.

Cushioning- I’m going to have a list of backup people just in case the number one person fades out.

Breezing- I’m going to be blunt and forward and just not give a fuck. And you are probably going to judge me for it.

Curving- I’m going to kind of ghost you only I’m going to keep you around and duck out of any real conversation where you bring up committing to plans.

Soft Nexting- I’m going to kind of ignore you for a few days then just when I start to miss you, start up a conversation like nothing is wrong.

We’ve come up with so many creative terms on how to be a low key asshole. I don’t know when everyone woke up one day and was like let’s just confuse the shit out of each other constantly. We fear asking for what we want because we don’t really know. So instead we keep everyone in a clusterfuck of confusion because that’s dating today.

We are a generation where everyone is constantly seeking the next best thing.

It’s a generation where no one is satisfied.

It’s a generation where caring stopped being cool.

Feelings and attention, people reject and everyone is contributing to this problem that they complain about.

We are swiping on apps not even sure what we are looking for.

We are unmatching people simply because they said hi too quickly so we label them as desperate.

We stalk the shit out of someone finding everything we possibly can about them before meeting up then there’s nothing to talk about and nothing to learn.

We wonder why we aren’t having successful relationships but everyone fears going on a real date. But the bigger problem is I don’t think anyone even knows what a real date is these days. The closest we get to dating today is meeting for drinks if you happen to be close and the night ending in a hookup.

But I find myself thinking where did I and an entire generation go wrong? When did dating become so simple but complex?

I think chivalry and standards are the things we need to bring back.

You urban dictionary it and the first 5 definitions include dead.

I still believe in holding open doors and pulling out chairs and taking someone’s coat.

I believe sincere compliments should be given without motives.

I still believe in a guy walking on the outside of the sidewalk.

I still think paying even when the person is willing to split it, shows a sign of respect.

I still believe in picking someone up and driving them home after a date.

I believe in keeping your word and calling when you say you will.

Not texting. Calling.

I still believe in sending flowers after you’ve had a good time.

I still believe sex is kind of a big deal and not just something to do.

I still believe in committing to one person if you like them and not keeping your options open.

I still believe PDA isn’t something to flaunt but kissing her forehead is.

I think that meeting someone’s parents is kind of a big step.

I don’t believe in dating games or messing with someone’s head, no matter how socially acceptable it might seem today.

I don’t think texting back quickly is a sign of weakness or desperation.

I still believe in being brutally honest always and communicating exactly what you think because communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

I believe in respect but more than that I believe in self-respect.

Maybe all these things make me old fashion and out of date and crazy to expect this day in age but I have a set of standards I refuse to lower until someone meets them. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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