If You Have To Leave And You Can’t Take Me With You, Read This

Twenty20

“I finally understood what true love meant…love meant that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” – Nicholas Sparks

It’d be selfish of me to ask you to stay when I know your heart is elsewhere in a place even you might not know yet.

It’d be selfish of me to ask if I could go with you, even though you and I know I would.

I think is there are some journey’s we need to take alone in life before we can figure out what it is we want in another person.

And as much as I’d love to ask either of those things, I won’t because they don’t lead to your ultimate happiness. So the best thing I can do is remain silent.

Because when you really care for someone their happiness is as much yours.

I look into your eyes and you look at me and I can feel it, physically you might be here emotionally you aren’t.

I look at you with eyes of admiration like you are the best thing that’s happened in my life lately but I know even at my best I can’t be what you need.

It might seem like I’m pushing you away as I encourage you to go but in reality, it’s the most selfless thing I can do because my heart is breaking at the thought of goodbye. But I know that’s what is best for you.

So if you must go know it’s okay. It’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to hurt me. As long as wherever you go I know you are happy.

And my heart will feel heavy in your absence, as I lay there awake at night wondering where you are and who you’re with and did you finally find what I couldn’t give you, even when I tried.

I hope you find it. Whatever it is you are looking for. But of all things I hope and pray for is you to be happy even if it’s without me.

But if you should know anything…

While you are out there and I’m here if ever there’s a day you miss me, know I’ve probably spent every day missing you.

If ever there is a day you want to come back just know I’m still here.

And if there is a day you realize what I have known this whole time, all you have to do is ask and I’ll be there, wherever there is.

People ask about home and it’s always been you (even if I haven’t said it.)

I don’t know what you’ll find when you’re out there. But the only thing I hope is you don’t forget me. Because you are every thought throughout my day when my mind wonders. You are every dream I’ve ever wanted to come true. You are the company when I don’t want any because there isn’t anyone’s presence I enjoy more.

I just hope whatever you find out there it leads you back to me.

And if that doesn’t happen and we each go our own way, I’ll find comfort in knowing you found what you needed.

If my silence could speak in your absence in the time we are bound to be apart it would say, ‘there isn’t a day I haven’t loved you,’

I hope that’s enough. Enough to bring you back home and realize everything you’ve wanted and needed has been here all along.TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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