When You’re Missing Me, Keep It To Yourself

 LOUW
LOUW

There’s going to be a time where my absence in your life robs you of sleep as you lay awake in the same bed that now feels too big for one.

You’ll reach for your phone and wonder if I’m awake too.

You’ll go back and forth between sending a text or not.

You wanted freedom but what you discovered was a loneliness you can’t shake.

On those nights of missing me, I ask you not to tell me.

Maybe it’ll be a night out where you get a little too drunk and want to talk.

I hope you don’t because it’ll break me to push ignore. But I have to.

Maybe we’ll be at the same bar and I’m standing alone.

Don’t think I need someone to talk to or need a drink.

Maybe you’ll hear our song on the radio and be compelled to change it but you don’t.

Maybe you’ll go to that spot that was ours and you’ll sit there alone.

Maybe your birthday will pass and you’ll wonder why you haven’t heard from me.

Maybe someone will ask about me and the words roll off your tongue stinging a bit as you reply, ‘it ended.’

When moments of regret hit you and want to go back I ask you not to take me there.

There is going to be this moment of clarity where you realize the mistake you made and you want me back.

Maybe that moment will hit you when you hear how well I’m doing or see how happy I appear to be across social media.

Don’t be happy for me. Don’t tell me you miss being a part of it.

And who knows maybe I’ll be holding the hand of someone new if we cross paths on a night out.

Maybe you’ll recognize that look I give him was the very same one I used to give you.

Even if you want me to, don’t tell me to leave him.

Jealousy is a funny thing. Sometimes we don’t realize what we had until it becomes someone else’s.

Don’t tell me all the things I wanted to hear so long ago. That’s not fair to me.

If that moment hits you where you realize you do still love me I ask you not to say it.

Because the truth is I still love you.

And our song that used to make me smile makes me cry.

The truth is I’m still hurt.

The truth is I still find myself going back because with you I saw what I thought was a clear future.

The truth is I’d leave him if you asked.

The truth is I still go back to our spot sometimes and hope you’re there waiting.

The truth is I lay there awake regretting a lot of things too.

So I ask you not to miss me.

I ask you not to say it.

I ask you if you love me, keep it to yourself.

I’ve been forced to be a lot stronger than I actually am.

I’ve been forced to put up this front like your absence in my life didn’t crush me when you left.

I ask you not to say anything or ask if I miss you too.

Because with you the answer will always be yes.

TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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