Today I Chose To Stop Believing You

 MIKE YORKE
MIKE YORKE

I woke up today to another text wondering if I should answer.

I typed only to put my phone down and continued getting ready.

The truth is, it didn’t hurt anymore. Any of it. I guess I grew numb to the pain you caused. I guess I learned to stop expecting things from you. In my head, I stopped believing you even if my heart didn’t want to.

I thought back to you and our history and I began to realize just because you have a past with someone doesn’t mean you have a future.

We lived in a world of tomorrows and false promises.

All which sounded great.

But nothing was really being said or done.

I couldn’t keep getting my hopes up, wondering when things would change.

I couldn’t keep hoping ‘one day’ you’d want me as much as I wanted you.

So today I stopped believing your words and started only looking at you based on your actions.

What I came to realize was there wasn’t much to judge you on, in that department.

Today I chose to stop believing you.

I chose to stop believing in us. Because the truth is there was no us. There was you and there was me. We were two people who couldn’t get it right and maybe we weren’t supposed to.

I chose to stop believing your lies because I had been nothing but honest with you from the start.

‘One day’ sounded like a great concept.

A future together would have been nice.

But I couldn’t keep fighting for a place in your life and I sure as hell, wasn’t going to fight for a place in your heart.

I couldn’t keep placing second, for someone I put first.
The words I love you strung when it was followed by but…

And you may like me and you may care but when someone doesn’t do anything to prove that, it’s a waste of my emotions and my time.

I couldn’t keep waiting for you to be the person I need you to be.

I couldn’t keep hoping for that.

Maybe I’m just someone who kills time when you’re bored.

Maybe you do care about me and maybe your compliments are sincere and from a genuine place.

Maybe you do want that ‘one day’ as much as I do.

But when you aren’t doing anything but sending a text, a snap or liking something on social media that’s not enough.

I’d like you to do more but I’m tired of asking you to.

You’re saying things because they sound nice but I’d rather silence than bullshit.

You’re saying all the right things but I’d rather you just not if those words counter actions.

Today I chose to stop believing you.

I chose to start treating you the way you treat me.

I chose to stop trying.

And what I began to realize was, I was holding onto to someone who had already let go. And maybe that’s my fault. Maybe it was me adding fuel to a fire that should have gone out a long time ago.

The truth is, I wanted so badly to believe in you, I stopped believing the truth.

And this game you played not only taught me to question you but I question really good people, who might have genuine intentions because now I only trust myself.

So today I chose to stop believing you. And maybe now you’ll believe me when I say this thing that never began is really over.TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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