This Is How You Love Someone Through All Their Worries

 Ashley Graves
Ashley Graves

‘Thank you for dealing with me.’ He looked at me with a state of confusion and wide eyes full of sorrow, and he pulled me in uttering words I’ll never forget. ‘I’m not dealing with you, I’m choosing you. And this just happens to come with the territory.’

If there’s a situation to worry about or something that could go wrong, I’ve already thought about it. I’ve already analyzed it. I already weighed out the pros and cons list. I’ve already spent a night wide awake thinking.

Worrying as much as I do is completely exhausting. My mind is moving a mile a minute.

I honestly have trouble living in the moment. I’m wired to constantly think about the next move or what the next step should be. I worry to the point where there are times it actually makes me sick.

It’s every irrational fear coming to life.

It’s every worse case scenario coming true.

It’s mentally and emotionally preparing for everything.

It’s physically being present but mentally I’m somewhere else.

It’s learning to love yourself because they tell you, that’s how other people will learn right? But the honest truth is sometimes it takes someone loving you the right way, to teach you how to love yourself.

Be patient with us.

When someone or something good comes into our life, our first thought without even being able to control it is ‘how will this end?’ Sometimes we ruin things before they begin. Sometimes we rush into things and without meaning to, it’s over. Sometimes we take off running the other way out of fear of what is right and good for us. But what we really want is someone who cares enough to see through that.

Take things at our pace and don’t push us because we’ll be the first to leave.

I know it’s not that big of a deal but to me it kind of is.

Hear us out. Understand this isn’t something we are choosing. Understand this isn’t something we are controlling. This is something that controls us. If you just listen maybe you’ll understand a little more.

We worry because of the past.

Questioning and doubt might not have anything to do with you at all. It might have everything to do with our past and the people who didn’t know how to love us the right way. We know you aren’t to blame for it but we’re skeptical until you give us a reason not to be. We worry about the past repeating itself. We worry about getting hurt. We worry this will end badly.

We’ll overanalyze everything.

Maybe it’s a state of insecurity or maybe we are confident enough in ourselves that the moment something seems off we follow our instinct. We will overthink. We will overanalyze. We will come up with many different conclusions and probably lead with the one that ends the worst. If we come to terms with a worst case scenario if and when it does become a reality maybe we won’t be as shocked.

We won’t pick fights.

We avoid confrontation like the plague.

While we sometimes create problems more than anything we want solutions.

And the hardest thing might be us not saying anything when something is wrong. While communication is important in relationships people who worry will always assume that fights lead to someone leaving, so we try and avoid it.

We will always blame ourselves.

We are well aware most of the problems in our lives are something we’ve created in our heads and maybe manifested to become reality. We’re conditioned in thinking everything is our fault. It’s led to bad relationships or people who have used that against us. It’s led to the type of people who gain something knocking us down and building themselves up.

We’ll always blame ourselves so tell us when something isn’t. But more than that, be honest when something is our fault because we will want to find the solution.

We’ll apologize too often.

You’ll hear us say the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ more often than not or ‘thank you.’ We’re sorry we are like this and we wish we could change. But all we can do is learn to manage it. All we can do is try to learn to live with it with as much grace as we can. Acceptance has been a long road for us and even now we still find days where we reject ourselves. Thank you for your acceptance.

We care a lot about what people think about us.

Whether we’ll admit it or not someone not liking us breaks our hearts. And sometimes we’ll try harder which will only make it worse.

Other times it will take a really long time for us to come around. And maybe you’ll introduce us to your friends and we’ll be a little shyer and more reserved than usual. But at the end of the day, we just want to be liked and accepted.

We are the least judgemental people you’ll ever meet.

We’ll accept everything about you without judgment or harsh criticism. If you’re honest with us, we’ll be as honest with you. If you trust us, we’ll come around and trust you. There isn’t anything you can’t tell us because whatever ‘it’ is, we get it.

In an attempt to learn how to accept ourselves we embrace everyone and accept everyone in our lives who choose to be a part of it.

“He said, ‘Look at you, worrying too much about things you can’t change.
You’ll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way.’”- Taylor Swift
TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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