I think very few people can get through the cycle of love, loss, heartbreak and forgiveness and come out on the other side together.
It’s not always the together you thought it would be but maybe you end up with something a little bit greater than that happy ending. If you’re really lucky you end up with a forever and a loyalty to one another regardless of everything you went through.
Because everyone knows the most solid foundation anything can be built on is friendship.
We tend to forget that part when things end and ugly words are thrown at each other and you claim to hate the person. But the only real things and people you can hate in life are those you loved at one point.
First, you were strangers.
You could have been like any two people passing by another in a crowd. You could have been another face in a sea of people. You could have been just people who looked at each other and looked away. But you didn’t. Somewhere along the way, something changed.
Then you became friends.
The concept of friends is an interesting one because there is always bound to be feelings between two people at some point. You learn everything about someone as a friend and you slowly watch yourself fall. Maybe it’s only felt by one person. Maybe it’s felt by two but you deny it. Maybe those feelings will fade or morph into what you both agree is better left as friends. Or maybe you wake up one day and realize they are the only person that matters. But every once in a while there’s that window of opportunity, that moment you get one chance and someone steps up and everything changes.
Then you fell in love.
We assume love solves everything. You fall in love and that’s it. But fall is the keyword and the question is will the person be on the other end to catch you? That’s what makes it so complicated.
Conversations change. The looks you give each other is anything but innocent. And suddenly you’re both falling head first. And everything is good for a while, that is until you crash.
Then you ‘hate’ each other.
One day it just ends. This person who is your best friend and the love of your life becomes suddenly nothing as words are uttered, ‘it’s over.’
And everyone’s heart breaks a little bit. That’s why people fear relationships so much with friends because you lose two very important people in one if it goes south. You think in that moment of tears, there’s no way you can bounce back from it.
Hate is a strong word. It’s used most often when you want to cover pain up. You think it’s easier to hate someone than admit the fact they let you down or hurt you.
Words are exchanged you never forget. Words are said you can’t forgive yourself for. It’s like you’re going to war against each other and no one was backing down. It’s like you want to destroy each other and you succeed in doing so. The thing about knowing someone so well and knowing their triggers, you know the power you have over them. It’s one-liners that bring someone to their knees.
Before you know it, so many things are said and done you don’t even recognize each other. That’s the ugly part of a breakup.
It becomes this toxic relationship you don’t even know how you got into.
Then you became strangers.
The days of checking or keeping tabs on one another became a thing in the past. Because the truth is you don’t know the person at all. And you sure as hell didn’t know who they became in the end. So you lead your own lives.
But the thing about becoming strangers with someone you liked and maybe even loved is you’re always going to wonder what they’re up to. You’re going to wonder are they happy? Then the feeling that will set in when enough time has passed and you’ve forgiven each other even without the words, ‘I’m sorry’, you begin to miss them.
It’s always an apprehensive first move. Who is going to say something? Will they answer? How do you say it? How do you respond? How long do you wait?
And suddenly everything is filled with cordial conversation and being a little too polite.
So you agree to meet up.
Then you became friends again.
Not many people get back to being friends with an ex. A lot of people say it might not be healthy.
But I truly believe there is something beautiful about finding your way back to someone after so much time and such a bad breakup and ending.
There’s something to be said about someone who knows you at your worst and can look past it.
And if you each have the ability to forgive each other for all the wrong that’s been done and are able to not use that against one another, instead of moving forward, you guys can overcome anything.
That’s how people become friends again. It starts with realizing love is still there hidden under the rubble and chaos you created in each other’s lives. It starts with standing on all of that and looking at the person and realizing you might have put each other through hell and back but you wouldn’t have wanted to go on such a trip with anyone else.
That’s how you find forever in a person even if you stay friends. You go through all that and still come out on the other side and the thing is you made each other better because of it.
And if you’re lucky, if you’re truly lucky, that cycle continues and just maybe you fall in love again, only this time for good.