If You’re Confused Or Wondering How He Feels… Just Stop

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I sat with a beer in my hand physically present but emotionally miles away. I think my dad saw the pain in my eyes as I watched everyone around me. Happier. Not faking it.

It was the calm before a storm. That moment where you know it could be ending but you don’t believe it. You cling to the possibly of something anything changing, so the dark road ahead does not become reality. Because when you haven’t heard the words, ‘it’s over,’ you still have something to hold onto.

‘Have you heard anything from him?’
‘No’ I said looking down. ‘I’m a bit confused by it all.’
My dad sat down next to me and said something I’ll always remember,

‘If anyone at any point is leaving you confused, walk away. That means they are unsure of something in their own lives.’

I think a lot of people get caught up in wondering, wishing, wanting and fantasizing about what could be. Or you cling to what was, rather than looking at the present moment and current situation.

Other times you want someone so bad, the only signs you pay attention to are the ones the confirm your feelings and further support this idea you’ve come up with in your mind.

But when you engage in relationships with people who are unsure of themselves, it leaves you insecure and wondering. You question what you say and do because you’re walking on thin ice, it feels like.

You find yourself analyzing and picking apart minor details and replaying scenarios in your mind, rereading things and talking about it too much with your friends. Because one second you’re sure, the next you’re in a clusterfuck.

But when your heart is involved, sometimes you fail to see the reality of the situation and only see what you want. Sometimes you’re blind to the truth.

And what uncertainty means you aren’t reading every sign. Or you know in your heart the truth but you don’t want to believe it.

Good relationships come without analyzing and overthinking things. Because with the right person, there’s nothing to think about.

You won’t flip flop between stories you tell your friends of one second it was this way and the other it’s that. You won’t need a second opinion. Because what your friends see, that you don’t is he might like you and care about you but he doesn’t like you enough to want to prove it.

And you’ll come up with excuses in your mind of why things might be this way. Maybe he’s not ready or maybe he’s busy with things in his own life. If you want an excuse to justify someone’s actions, you’ll always find one. But the only thing you should take from that is you don’t deserve someone who is unsure of how they feel about you.

Save it for someone who deserves all that effort. Don’t keep trying so hard.

Don’t let this person keep you in a limbo of fucking with your emotions because they’re unsure of their own.

While you invest so much time and energy into this person, what you might be missing out on is the chance to be with someone who will look with the confidence you deserve.

Remember you can love someone and care about them but you can’t do it enough that suddenly they feel those things for you too.

Walk away out of self-respect. Walk away out of confidence in you, yourself that you deserve more. Walk away out of the love you have for them too maybe they do need to figure shit out. But walk away knowing well, they won’t find better. Be the one to walk away first. Walk away and don’t look back because you deserve someone who realizes your worth while you’re there, not one who has to lose you to see what they had. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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