To The Girl Who Thinks She’s Better Off Alone

 ElliottsDunning
ElliottsDunning

I know you’re busy and might not have time for a relationship.

You’re not one to make relationships your priority. Maybe because you’ve done it before and it didn’t work out and you realized not to make the same mistake twice. So you’ve filled your life with other things that are more important.

But I also know those are excuses you tell yourself.

Despite how busy you are or how much you have on your plate, you and I both know something is missing. Emotionally people are conditioned to need others but I know how much that scares you.

It scares you to let someone in.

Like if you put your guard down and someone finds out all these things about you, they’ll either reject you or leave with every secret. You’re afraid of letting anyone but your friends that close so you push people away.

But I know deep down you really want to.

But the only reason you’re pushing people away and running away as often as you do is because you want someone to overcome the challenges you put before them. You want someone to work and prove they deserve you.

I know how much you fear getting hurt…

You’ve let your guard down easy in the past. You’ve trusted the wrong people. You’ve cried too many tears over people who weren’t even worth it. I know you don’t want to get hurt. I know you see vulnerability as weakness. I know how strong you are because there was a time when you weren’t.

But how you also hate sleeping alone at night.

You toss and turn through the night, reaching over in a bed too big for one, not even remembering the last time you had someone next to you that you wanted to stay. A vital component is missing in your life and it’s okay to admit that. To say you want to meet someone and have a relationship is not a sign of weakness.

It’s a sign you’re human.


And I know what it’s like to put up a front like it doesn’t bother you.

But you won’t ever admit it. Because as much as you’re trying to convince others that you’re better off alone or you’re ‘really into your career right now’, you’re trying to convince yourself too.

But every couple that walks by, you look at with a bit of envy.

You look forward to the day when that’s you but you also can’t even picture it yet. It kind of feels like everyone else is in a relationship but you and you’re doing everything you can to be okay with that.

And you’d rather be alone than in the wrong company.

If the past has taught you anything it’s to not settle. And you never will again. You remember what it was like being with someone and feeling alone right next to them.

But if there’s one thing I can remind you…

You deserve love more than anyone I know.

One day you’re going to meet someone and regardless of how much you push him away or run or try and actually mess something good up, he’s going to stick around. He’s going to break through these walls you build up and you’re going to let someone in again. He’ll see you at your worst and he’s going to stay. You’re going to fight and he won’t walk out but you’ll resolve it. One day you’re going to realize needing someone doesn’t mean you’re weak. You’ll meet someone and their love will give you strength. One day you are going to meet someone who is deserving of you.

One day you’ll learn to love again and you’ll open your heart and only then it will heal.

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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