Somewhere along the way you happened. That’s the only way I can really describe it. It’s like one day I blinked and suddenly in a world full of so many people there was only you. And it wasn’t even you vs. someone else, it was simply you were now this standard everyone else got compared to.
Every time I came close to telling you these things I was overcome with complete fear of what such words would do to us. The us that isn’t even a thing yet and might not ever be.
But what I do know is my life is better because you are in it. I am better because you are here.
It’s a look that makes me wonder, do you feel something more, too? It noticing you the second I walk into a room no matter how crowded it is. It’s a simple smile from far away that I hope says ‘me too.’
It’s the texts that are answered too quickly which is not something I’m used to.
It’s treating me better than anyone I’ve ever met; showing me exactly everything in the past I didn’t deserve.
It’s believing in me and my dreams which gives me the confidence to believe in myself just as much as I believe in you. You’ve made me a better person. But more than that you’ve made me a version of myself I’m unbelievably proud of.
It’s your honesty and how genuine you are. Part of me is in disbelief sometimes I’ve made myself into someone who is at that same level. Your excitement for life, your positivity everything you are is something I strive to be more like.
And I can’t help but think we’d be great.
But it’s not like you’re perfect. Your flaws were revealed in layers as I got to know you, me, on the other hand, I wore ever scar with such pride anyone who knows me knows of the things I’ve been through. Your flaws, if you can even call them such a thing made you someone I admire more.
And I know you’ve been hurt and I know you’ve been confused and like everyone myself included you’re just trying to figure it out. Whatever that ‘it’ is that brings you happiness. But for me that ‘it’ is you. I want you happy, whether I’m a part of it or not. There’s just a little piece of me that hopes maybe I could bring joy to your life as you have mine.
You deserve the best kind of person. The best kind of everything. To hear every single day you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to someone. I don’t know if I can be that person. But I do know I can give you my best and I hope that’s enough.
As much as saying all this goes against what I believe and I’m usually the type that runs at the first chance of someone getting close to me. With you, for some reason, I didn’t take off this time. For some reason, I stayed put.
You made me feel safe in a life where I’ve questioned everyone and everything and learned to only trust myself.
I can’t sit back and just let something like that go. All of this is just a feeling that scares me enough to do something about it.
So I’m trembling with fearful of words I’ve recited over and over again but if I asked you to take my hand would you?