16 Things To Know Before Dating Someone Who Is Good At Being Alone

Noël Alva
 CARLY CIARDULLO
CARLY CIARDULLO

1. She’s not going to trust you at first.

She’s going be wary of anyone new who enters her life because a lot of people have come and left.

2. She’s learned to only trust herself.

Relying on others in the past led to disappointment. She knows if she wants anything done right to rely on her doing it.

3. She doesn’t need you in her life but she might want you to be there.

She’s learned to not need anyone and to be honest, that’s one of the scariest things for a strong woman to learn. But even strong people need others sometimes.

4. She knows the only person she needs is herself.

She’s become her own best friend. She’s become her own best company. She’s become someone strong enough to stand alone and learn to like it.

5. She’ll push you away at times.

She might think you’re going leave so she’ll try and beat you to it. She might look for excuses for things to go wrong so she can go back to being alone. She might even give a million reasons to walk away. Don’t.

6. She’s afraid of being vulnerable.

She’s afraid of someone seeing her weak. She’s afraid of someone getting to know her so well, suddenly she doesn’t remember a life without them. She’s afraid of getting too comfortable with someone so she tries not to.

7. She probably dated a lot in the past.

She won’t tell you about it for a while. But every story and every heartbreak would make you understand why she is wired the way she is. She doesn’t want sympathy, she doesn’t want pity but she’s been through a lot that has made her guarded and rough around the edges.

8. Which taught her it’s best not to date at all.

It’s not like she doesn’t get asked out or people don’t ask for her number but she pushes a lot of people away. She rejects even more of them. When her friends ask her why she’ll make up some excuse but the truth is she’s scared shitless of relationships. So if you’ve made it this far, proceed with caution. Don’t push her in any way. Do everything at her pace.

9. She’s used to going places alone.

She never uses her plus ones at weddings. She is always the person going stag to events. She almost likes not having to answer to anyone or watch out for anyone but herself. She’s fiercely independent to a point where it might be a flaw.

10. So if she invites you somewhere take that seriously.

She doesn’t call upon many people. So if she’s suggesting you go somewhere with her just say yes. Her inviting you somewhere is her way of letting you in.

11. She’s gonna have a life beyond you.

It’s gonna seem like she doesn’t have time to date. That’s only because she made sure to make her life about something more than her relationship status.

12. She probably learned that making someone priority could end badly.

She has pity for the people who relationship hop and are never single. Maybe because she was like that once upon a time and learned never again.

13. When something goes wrong in her life don’t take it personal if she shuts you out.

She’s used to dealing with things on her own. The aspect of emotionally relying on someone is foreign to her. Her strength is almost a flaw in a way. You want to get into her world even the bad parts but there’s always gonna be walls and layers to her.

14. She’s just is afraid of relying on someone.

It’s human to need people but she perceives that as weakness.

15. She seems kind of hard to love.

If I can let you in on a little secret the best people in life usually are.

16. But once you figure her out she’ll love you harder than anyone.

She’ll change you in the best way possible redefining what you thought love could be and you’ll realize the best people to date are ones who usually don’t. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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