“For me, love like that has only happened once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.” – Nicholas Sparks
Sometimes I wonder do you still think of me? So much time has passed and I’m over you. I’ve dated a plethora of people I’m sure you have as well but every once in a while you cross my mind.
You were my first love and without your permission or your consent you lived forever within me altering my definition of the way I perceive everyone in my future.
I wonder about the day you and I will cross paths.
Will it be awkward?
I wonder if every butterfly will come flooding back to me and knock me off my feet like you did when we were young.
I wonder if there will be resentment. Or if we’ve each forgiven each other after all these years.
Will you be with someone?
What you will remember about me?
Did I change physically for the better? Did you?
I think back to you and the potential encounter and I think how even after all this time I never stopped loving you.
First loves kind of do that to you.
I live in a world of make believe, where I think your name will appear across my phone after all this time and you’ll ask me for a drink and we’ll catch up.
When your birthday passes I never actually call. But sometimes I wish I could. And I think of you the whole day.
But I also fear what I’ll discover. That you’ve completely forgotten me and all we were.
If I can, I avoid driving through your town at all costs. Every road we ever traveled there brings me back to you and the innocence of love at such a young age.
I remember riding shotgun in your car as you made listen to music I used to hate. Now every time those songs come on I blast it thinking of you and where you are in the world.
I know one day our paths will cross and despite how everything ended I hope you still look back at me fondly.
But the reality of our first encounter will be awkward stares as we don’t recognize each other.
Neither of us will know what to say because with so much time passing what is there really to catch up on other than everything. The reality is we will be familiar strangers.
But if you should know my reality of our first encounter will be overcome with much gratitude for having been able to love someone like you, even if were a life time ago.
And I wish I could thank you for that.
While we each have grown up over time, when I look at you I’ll always see the boy I fell in love with so long ago.