I’m Only Bat Shit Crazy Because You Made Me That Way

Gabi E. Mulder
Gabi E. Mulder

It’s the texting just to see if I’ll answer and not continuing the conversation.

It’s typing so I see bubbles but you never actually send anything.

It’s sending a generic snap just so you can see I opened it.

It’s ignoring my text but liking my Insta.

It’s ignoring my snapchat but being first to look at my story.

It’s when I’m about to fall asleep and you call me just to talk.

And I can almost smell through the phone the stale alcohol on your breath.

Because you might want me drunk but the difference is I want you sober.

It’s taking me out and having a great night.

But you leave me waiting by the phone.

It’s drunk promises that mean absolutely nothing. But I still remember it all.

I wanted to believe it.

But the thing was I made you my first choice so why should I feel bad about that.

It’s telling you I care about you and you pulling away.

It’s asking where we stand and you getting defensive.

I never asked for a label, only honesty.

So tell me why am I made to feel crazy for being honest?

It’s telling me I’m clingy just because I like you.

But that’s not something I’ll be quick to apologize for.

It’s the back handed compliments with motives that aren’t actually sincere.

It’s the good morning texts just to make sure I woke up alone.

It’s keeping me on my toes just so you have an option to fall back on.

It’s being too easy and suddenly I’m unattractive.

But the thing was you never said slow down.

It’s hooking up and the bullshit excuse of why you have to leave.

It’s the disappearing act you’ve mastered with grace.

And I’m the one left confused and alone.

It’s when I’m about to get over you and move on your try and pull me back in.

It’s a game really and you make up the rules as you please.

And the moment I get too close you call me crazy.

But I wonder who’s the crazy one? Me for liking you or you not realizing the closest thing you’ll ever come to love is in the eyes of the same person you make cry.

I know the reason you treat me like you do isn’t because you don’t like me but because you don’t like yourself. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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