You Deserve Someone Better, I’m Just Sorry I’m Not There Yet

apricotberlin
apricotberlin

If I could turn back time, I would have moved a little slower. But you know everyone, myself included, constantly thinks about the next move and if it’s right.

If I could turn back time, I would have trusted you more and opened up. But I gave you reasons not to trust me. I wasn’t trying to hurt you I was just trying to protect myself from getting hurt.

If I could turn back time, I would have listened more to what you wanted and not the things I thought you did.

Because you were decent and you were kind and it was my flaw for not realizing your value.

I thought the faster we get there, wherever it may be, it’ll all work out. But I was speeding through motions only to crash along the way. But you were more concerned about the journey than the destination.

If I could turn back time I’d say sorry. I wanted so badly for it to work. Maybe I wanted it too badly that I jeopardized something that could have been great instead of naturally letting things run it’s course.

But I’m an intense person. Maybe that was one of the things you liked about me. Because you were simple and I was anything but that. I like knowing where we’re going. I like knowing when we’ll get there. I like being in control and steering the reins. But love and relationships require even the most type-A to loosen their grip and step back a little.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to say I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing you. Because you were different. You looked at me for who I was and not what I was. You looked into my eyes whispering I’m beautiful. But your eyes didn’t wander anywhere else. You spoke in such a way I wondered if someone like you could even be real.

And I thought we were compatible. I thought for once I met my match. But maybe I wasn’t ready for a good guy just yet. Maybe I wasn’t ready for the best guy to enter my life and sweep me off my feet. Because I was the one to mess this up not you.

I’m sorry I wasn’t ready for you.

I know I deserve the best, as do you. But sometimes even people who deserve it aren’t ready for that sort of thing yet. So maybe it was my flaw.

So I say sorry for ruining something that could have been great. I say thank you for setting the template for how I should be treated and I hope one day our paths can cross again. Maybe time will be in our favor and maybe I won’t be the factor against us. Because you deserve someone equal to your standard, I just don’t know if I’m there yet. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Heartafire

    I can really relate to this. Great post.

  • https://brenicojayblog.wordpress.com/2016/05/15/you-deserve-someone-better-im-just-sorry-im-not-there-yet/ You Deserve Someone Better, I’m Just Sorry I’m Not There Yet – Lifestyle Writing
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  • http://whitselwhileyoublog.wordpress.com Meg

    SO relatable. I don’t understand why people feel the need to label everything and put everything into categories/groups. Your sandwich is made out of wheat bread but bread is bread and that’s the important part. There’s thousands of different shades of green but green is green. If he acts like your husband but isn’t..who cares? Someone who’s yours is yours no matter the label.

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