1. The Relationship Boaster
There’s always the one guy/girl who posts about “going to the *insert name of popular restaurant* with my babes” or “love being surprised with chocolate/gifts/anything”. And when he/she isn’t checking in at places with their significant other, they are feeling elated/sad and finding a new way to loosely reference their other half in any given status update. I get it, you’ve found someone you’re clearly in love with. But you’re not a soap character so excuse me for having no interest in your boyfriends sleep-talking or girlfriend’s cooking abilities.
2. The Gamer
You know the one. Every week they’ve found a super new game relating to farms, candy, pirates or something. And they just HAVE to share with you. Never mind the annoying invites they insist on sending upon discovery of the new time-waster, the gamer will also keep their Facebook friends constantly updated on their scores and levels, whilst begging for lives/currency/anything to help fuel their addiction. Someone should limit their computer time.
3. The Full Time Mommy
Not a dig at motherhood by any means, but there are certain Full Time Mommas (you’ll find that title under their occupation) who seem to have forgotten their own life existed before another one fell out of their vagina. Or maybe their child is really smart and posting selfies and updates themselves at 6 months old? Either way, when you constantly post about your child, with at least 50 accompanying pictures a day (with one as your profile picture, as standard), and absolutely nothing about your own self or life, I worry for your child(ren).
4. The Serial Liker/Commenter
Perhaps a desperate grasp at friendship, or just no knowledge of social acceptability, the serial liker/commenter usually only has a couple of targets and makes sure they know he/she has seen their update/photo. Usually a thinly disguised, poor attempt at flirtation, the serial liker is compelled to like or comment on everything said or done by the object of their affection. It’s not subtle. We know what’s happening here, and it’s just embarrassing.
5. The Spoiler
The true blood-boiler of any friends list. They have to be up to date with current affairs and every possible cultural going on, and they MUST let you know that they got there first. Sometimes they even make the point that they saw/did/posted it first through a comment on someone else’s status. The most annoying are those who watch tv shows/see movies and feel the need to give away plot moments in a status update. There is definitely a special place in hell reserved for those people.