1. You’re Not The Only One. My ex-Sociopath not only continued to talk to his ex-girlfriend, who was brought into his marriage by his ex-wife (a convenient story from a Sociopath, right?), he had conversations with people he worked with about buying/selling prescription pills. It didn’t stop there. He seemingly exclusively bought and sold pills to women, which then turned into flirting, confessions of love, sexual advances… You get the picture. That is just one frame from his life; a life that I will never fully know. A Sociopath doesn’t have one target, he has several. His inflated ego and extreme testosterone doesn’t allow for just one lady in his life. When you bust him on his infidelities and your inclinations, you’ll see an onslaught of guilt, blame, and shame that is placed squarely on YOUR shoulders. You went through his phone. You don’t trust him. You pushed him to cheat. Sound familiar?
2. You’ve Been Psychoanalyzed. Sociopaths are notorious for studying their targets and learning intricate details of your life to manipulate you in the most direct of ways. Sociopaths are likely to lay out their sad story to make them seem vulnerable and humble. They position themselves as being incapable of hurting anyone because they’ve been down that road and are committed to living a life of joy and promise. Then, after they put themselves on the line, they focus on you. Since their barriers were dropped, you likely feel or felt safe to tell your story and open your own flood gates. They listen, ask questions, and analyze each word that passes through your lips to form themselves into the being that you desire. Chameleon? You bet.
3. He Doesn’t Love You. He never has and he never will. It’s not personal, it’s him. No, I’m not saying this just to empower you, it’s the truth. Sociopaths don’t have the capacity to truly love; they exhibit the signs of love to serve their own benefit. It’s a Sociopath’s ultimate high to manipulate someone. You are simply a pawn. You’ll likely feel like you have met your Soul Mate because everything is that perfect, but manufactured love is the most important tool in their belt. Without love, they are powerless. They need your love to manipulate. You’ll likely be the recipient of attention, flattery, affection, physical love, and abundant “I Love You’s”. That’s the game. He will do whatever it takes to get you to love him and when that happens, the next phase of manipulation starts; the most dangerous phase. When his façade breaks, he will do all that he can to keep you, because it bruises his ego that he can’t keep you. It’s his game and won’t go away without a fight.
4. He Can’t Be Helped. This is SO important to know and understand. No matter what you do, try, or say, he will never, ever change. You can shower him with love. You can put up with his shenanigans to a point that you convince yourself that you’re the problem. You can try to wish it away. You can pray it away. You can overcompensate to prove your love. You can attempt to ignore it and focus on the positives. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will change it. Will anything you do be appreciated? Why would he appreciate someone for something that he believe he was entitled to receive? To a Sociopath, nothing matters besides getting what they want.
5. The Truth? You Can’t Handle The Truth. Want to know the truth? Well, you never well. Sociopaths will lie until they turn blue in the face, and then continue to lie. They’ll lie about the most miniscule things, like what they had for breakfast and what shirt that they are wearing. Then, there are the BIG things. For instance, my ex told me when we started dating that he was divorced and had been for over a year. Not separated, but divorced. A few months into our relationship, I found divorce papers in his car that were unsigned. I didn’t think too much about it because why would I think he wasn’t divorced? I chalked it up as an extra copy. Several months later, he had to go to court for a speeding ticket, but his story was never consistent in regards to time, circumstance, and reasoning. The truth was that on THAT day, his divorce went final. Even though I know the truth and I found documentation to prove it, he vehemently denies it. The State is wrong. I’m wrong. He’s right. End of story.
6. You Will Not Have Closure. This truly is the hardest part to rationalize and understand, but you will never have a feel good, amicable, honest conversation as you part ways. You won’t have closure that you likely desire. Do you deserve it? Absolutely. The man that you feel in love was nothing more than a manufactured being. He mirrored what he learned about you to win your heart, but the love you felt was a mirage. You’re left with a boat load of broken and no explanation. No matter what you say, it’s your fault that the relationship didn’t work. He tried, you didn’t. You have qualities that led to the break-up. You did this and he is the victim.
You deserve better. You deserve an honest love that is filled with joy, happiness, unconditional love, honesty, inspiration, motivation, and kindness. The feelings that you felt at the beginning of your relationship, hold on to them and know in your heart that those feelings can and will be felt because of someone that will be honored to love you because of the person you are, not for what you can provide.
A Sociopath will never change but you have the power to get the revenge. How? By living well, because living well IS the best revenge. Your Sociopath will continue this pattern without a shred of remorse. You, on the other hand, have the opportunity to move on, heal your heart, heal your soul, be selective of who is the recipient of your love, and become a better, stronger, more resilient person than you ever dreamed.