I forgive you for believing I was out to ruin you or that I wanted him back. I left because I needed to be the strong woman I used to be.
I forgive you if you were with him before I left. How were you to know he passed me in the hall with coldness in his eyes and I waited up through the night, watching out the window, hoping he’d come home to me.
I hope we can forgive each other for things that may have been said or felt in the beginning.
You’re about to marry the person who gave me the reason to keep on pushing myself.
You’re about to marry the person who gave me a piece of himself to carry inside me alone for ten months.
You’re about to marry the person who told me what I couldn’t be and showed me, through his lack of love, what I deserve to be and what I deserve in my life.
You’re about to marry the person who I thought I’d one day be walking towards in white, who I thought I loved, who everyone said would one day learn to love me.
He and I were not meant for each other.
But, I hope you know that I don’t hate you.
And I‘m not jealous of you.
But, there was a time I was angry at you for trying to take my place, for sleeping in my bed, and for thinking I was the villain in a situation that just wasn’t meant to be. People can say many things about a person, and not knowing me, it’s hard not to believe everything as true, especially when there’s only one side being spoken.
But, I hope you’re curious and intelligent and weary. And I hope you can see things that may not be skin deep. And I know, oh I know, that there will be times when the parts of him that made me leave may show through, and you may think that maybe, just maybe, some of what I said was true.
But, I hope you’ll keep on fighting. I hope he’s different with you because he loves you. I hope he tries so hard to make you happy, because you deserve to be happy.
I want you to know that I have never spoken one ill word or wished harm towards you, or the man you are about to marry. Not once. But I have spoken about you with kindness and openness.
I hope you won’t speak ill or wish harm towards me. But I hope you do speak about me, because I do exist, I am still here loving my baby from afar.
I hope one day we can talk and laugh and be, if not friends, friendly towards each other. I want to show my son that there is no hate and there is no bad blood between any of us. We are all parts of his family. I want to show him that hate only feeds the parts of us that aren’t good. And, my little boy has so much good in him that I would never want to ever ruin that.
I hope you protect him, stand up for him, and stand up for yourself.
I hope you and my son have an amazing relationship together. I pray you will never raise your voice or your hands in anger, and instead be understanding and affectionate with him. I pray you will read to him, play with him, and continue to bond with him. You’re about to be a mother, he’s not just mine anymore, and I hope you never take that lightly or for granted. I know you won’t.
And, finally, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for welcoming my son into your heart and I want to thank you for holding his hand and accepting him into your life part-time. He adores you and I am glad he has another strong woman in his life to show him that he is capable of great things.
I wish you happiness, love, respect, knowledge, and everything that is kind.