What If I Told You I’ve Loved You All This Time?

I was not always nice to you. At times, you could say I was at times even horrible to you. Sometimes I forgot you were even there as I only focused on other people, because as ashamed as I am to admit it, I thought there was always someone out there who was prettier, smarter, and funnier—just better.

And I was wrong, terribly wrong.

While I was busy looking around for someone better to look up to, you were there for me. You waited for me to go back home to you. I am a good-for-nothing person to let you go through all that doubt. I made you into an insecure and anxious person. It is all my fault, I’m so sorry.

For many years, I have neglected your presence, your personality, and your hopes and dreams. You dimmed down your light for me so it wouldn’t make my eyes pinched when I look at your bright aura. You silenced your thoughts to the world and towards me because, at some point, I didn’t listen to you anymore. Your smile vanished as well when you looked at me because I never smiled back.

So, it will come as a surprise when I say this to you: What if I told you I’ve loved you all this time?

You might wonder why I treated you so badly. It’s because I didn’t know myself. I was a coward seeking validation in others. I was lost in a dark place while thinking I didn’t deserve any love from you. I was afraid.

From the outside, it looked like I dismissed you. But in my mind, I haven’t forgotten about you, because you were always in the back of my mind. I’ve loved you all this time, only I needed time and space to really get to know myself. There were distractions everywhere that kept me from showing that I love you.

I hope you can forgive me for all the times that I have inflicted my toxic behavior on you. I apologize for the times you held in your tears for my sake because you knew I hated it. I apologize for the times you faked a smile to assure me that you were happy, despite having more than enough reason to feel miserable after how poorly I treated you. I’ve loved you since day one, but I never have shown it to you enough that you would believe me.

I can’t promise you to show you my love to you every single day, because I admit it is extremely hard to do so. But I will still try my best to make the best out of it. I promise not to conveniently walk away when things get hard and to celebrate you when things are going well. From now on, I will aim to do everything in my power to show you that I’ve loved you all this time. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

The girl who rambles through life

Keep up with Kimberley on Instagram and ramblesbykim.wordpress.com