Some people can never sit still and always need to be ‘’on’’ all the time. Hands always in movements and a mind that is running a marathon that is never-ending. Hopping from task to task to chase achievement after achievement. It’s like entering in a state of trance where you are so deeply absorbed in the act of doing, that you no longer stop and think what it is exactly what you are doing for. We liked to keep ourselves busy to give ourselves a sense of worth.
When our sense of worth is close to zero, anything that gives us a feeling of worth will be like empty fuel that only gives us short-term satisfaction.
A fragile sense of worth can take its roots back in our early days of childhood. It’s the lack of emotional support that we needed to feel stimulated to do the things that we were afraid of doing. It’s waving a child’s hand away when it is seeking for safety and support from those who were closest to him/her. It’s disacknowledging someone’s hurt and pain by ignoring it, twisting it or even lecturing it. It’s question marks raised from everyone around you about every decision and choice that you have. It’s an utter disinterest towards one’s deepest fears and brightest dreams. It’s belittling someone’s personality.
It’s never hearing ‘’I’m proud of you.’’
So, it is only logical that a person under these circumstances will get difficulty to believe that they hold any value or worth. When we reach adulthood, it’s up to ourselves to continue to build self-worth. But it’s rather hard to do when there is nothing solid to stand on to climb in order to reach higher. That’s when a constant urge to prove ourselves start to emerge.
We find things to do, so we can prove to others that we have it in us to do it, or even better, to finish it.
Because winners don’t give up, right? We stay in motion and feed ourselves with praises and awe-inspiring glances from others. It feels good at first, it can even make you feel you’re on cloud nine for a minute. But no matter how much we hear it, it doesn’t help. Because in reality, we are still standing in the bottom in the dark where no shed of hope can shine on us.
We don’t need to prove ourselves to anyone, not now – not ever. It’s your sense of worth saying that you are undeserving of love and support. It is anyone who has failed you in supporting you when you still didn’t know a thing about the world: the voices of your past.
So, it’s not your fault. But you are still the one paying the price for it by running around to seek for validation.
It’s okay, everything is bendable.
When you depend on others in regards to your own worth – it means you have put yourself on the lowest stand, not giving yourself the chance to see the fruits that you have planted, that might already have blossomed into richness flowers. You don’t stop and appreciate, because you are on to the next thing that will hopefully bring you more validation. It’s hard to break out this thinking pattern once you get caught up in it. But you don’t have to break it overnight, try bending it. Bend your intentions and watch your actions align with it. Bend your way of thinking from ‘’If no ones witness it, did it happen?’’ into ‘’I do it for myself’’
Worth is not the number of things you have done, it is not the great intentions you have or the smart things you speak about. It’s how aware you are towards your own behavior that can break or mend someone’s heart.
It is how you put your energy into this world – by lifting yourself up in order to lift others up.