The moment our eyes caught each other, it was crystal clear to me – it was never you to begin with. For the first time ever, I was finally able to confess that to myself.
I was young and naïve and just let you have your way. The second I didn’t pay attention, you slide into my life without any struggle. Before I knew, you stuck on me like chewing gum. Full of flavor at first but soon got stale and tasteless. Hard to get rid off by the time I found out that you were already woven yourself into my hair, you left me alone to puzzle out how to get out of this mess of stickiness.
If I’m being honest with you, it was never you.
You saw me and only wanted me for yourself. Just sheer out of curiosity, not an inch of you cared about me. You had me in your grip and being with you felt like my life was in your hands. The world felt smaller even though you brought me along on your adventures.
For far too long, I kept up with you even though I knew from the start that it was never you and it will never be. I got under your spell of manipulation and have sunken deep to the bottom of my self-esteem.
I accepted my fate because I thought it was what I deserved.
They say that first loves will always hold a place in our hearts and we just assumed it to be something bittersweet to look back at. No one actually told us that it can be a place of trauma or darkness. A place that make you tremble and your arm hair to stand up.
If I’m being honest, it was never you.
You were ruthless in conquering me, rushing to connect with me and gone as fast as a lightning bolt when you have had your fun with toying me.
It was never me for you.
It was never you for me.
And guess what, it will never be.