This night wouldn’t be another sleepless one if I could just shut down all my thoughts within me. And why does it always need to be about something negative? Couldn’t it just be about the things which made me smile throughout the day? It is becoming more difficult to count my smiles and easier to recall my struggles. If there will be falling stars tonight, I really wish I could have one night of solid sleep. That’s the only thing I need the most right here and now.
Tonight won’t be just another night.
It will be the day that my heart became a little number towards a specific person.
I would never think my heart would become numb towards someone I used to have such respect for, someone I sincerely looked up to, until now. Life goes on, but I won’t go on with the same feeling ever again. Some of it died along the way and left some empty spaces inside me which I believe will remain empty for a long time.
There are people in your life that you are going to love dearly. Those who kindle your heart with their presence using the exact right amount of light. Not just a shimmer or a torch of fire, but a shining aura which makes you dazzle with love. Those are the ones you need to keep them close to you. Those who keep you warm, even in cold weather.
And then there are those who you can’t love properly when you keep them close to you.
You should know this, for you have already tried many times to prove it wrong but to no avail.
Because what logic is there to it if you can only love someone at a distance? I too refused to believe in that nonsense. My logic was always; those I love will always stay close to me.
But what if keeping them close to me will eventually cause me more harm than good? What if some people can’t be at your side all the time, even though they claim to love you?
Then the only remaining thing to do is to love them at a distance.
It is painful, yes, but what hurts me more is that I deny myself whenever I let some of those in my life for too long. Some people aren’t meant to be in my life. They aren’t meant to see the true face behind my mask. And I bet they aren’t able to do so either.
I still care. A lot. But I also made a promise to myself, which is; I won’t longer adjust my life to other people just to prove that I am worthy.
And that’s exactly the reason why I am doing this.
This time, I love at a distance, because I am worthy.