That Night She Lost A Great Deal

Trigger warning: This article contains sensitive content involving sexual assault.
Standing behind a woman with braided hair near mountains
Alexander Ramsey / Unsplash

That night she lost a great deal.

They didn’t plan it at all. It just happened.

He was tender and gentle with her, undressed her as if he was carefully peeling off rose petals, one by one. His gaze locked on to her like she was the only one who mattered in the world. He made her feel safe by asking the right questions at the right time. He made her feel desirable by brushing his finger lightly on the right places.

But she wasn’t ready for it. Not yet.

She thought she was but clearly, she wasn’t when she felt fear when he was about to enter her. What she did next – she still remembered it in fine details.

She looked at him with guilt in her eyes and she said softly: “Sorry babe, I can’t do this. Not now.”

She then reached her right hand to his cheek and tried to kiss him. But he didn’t move closer to her to embrace it. He didn’t move an inch at all. His loving gaze turned stone cold and something has changed from that moment on. The look in his eyes completely has changed that she didn’t recognize him anymore. As if she never knew who he was until now. Within a fraction of a second, she knew her life would turn into shambles. It was already too late.

He no longer looked at her as a person, he looked at her as prey. And he was about to kill. Her screams disappeared into the void of her heart. The longer she struggled against him, the less strength remained in her. She realized that it was never a fair fight, to begin with. A battle that is already lost.

When he entered her, it felt like she was already dead.

She couldn’t feel the tear of her muscles when he put his whole weight on her. She couldn’t feel her blood flowing like a streaming river and she couldn’t hear his roar of pleasure when he ravenously devoured her alive. She couldn’t feel the beating of her heart anymore

That night she lost a great deal.

She looks in the dirty mirror. It was different. Her face used to be transparent. Her mind still untouched. Her hands pure of sins. And her heart? It was always on her sleeve.

“Are you still there?” She asked herself, still looking into the mirror, the girl who had paper-thin skin, her voice barely heard with her fragile porcelain body. The girl who always reveal the truth through her eyes?’

“It is all gone,” Whispered her reflection. TC mark


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