The beating of my heart was pounding at a fast pace. It was way past midnight already, but my mind kept my tiring eyes open. Even laying in bed, I felt nervous, even anxious, not knowing why I was feeling the way I felt.
Anxiety is certainly not a joke. It creeps into our daily lives without our permission. It plants a seed without our consent in our minds to protect us from any danger, but it soon spread away like a deadly virus through our veins, making our senses extra sharp because it smells fear; fear coming from the pores of our body. It makes it harder to breathe and you wonder if you can ever be a normal functioning human again. The slump in your throat gets bigger when worries occupy in a constant state in the back of your mind. When one worry goes away, another one pops up again before you had the time to recover from it.
Anxiety is awkward. It makes even the most ordinary moments extremely uncomfortable. It lets you feel like that your body isn’t your own body because you can’t seem to take control of it. Walking alone down the streets make you breathe faster and even out of breath, and you don’t dare to make eye contact with those who crossed your path. Even laying still in a warm bed you can feel the uneasiness. Trying to get rid of that unsettling feeling will make it even stronger and keep you away from a well-deserved rest. It feeds on negativity and fear and before you know it, you find yourself stuck in this loop of anxiety attached with a giant knot of worries in which most of them are about things that haven’t had happened yet.
Anxiety can’t just disappear overnight, I wish it could. It had its moments of deep hibernation and moments of getting the next prey; us.
Anxiety shows what we are scared of, mostly an image we have made in our mind before we need to take action, afraid of the consequences that may come with it. It makes us hyper-aware of our surroundings, thus making us aware how we appear in other’s eyes. Our senses make over-hours and our heart beats as if it is running a marathon every single day.
I wish I could tell you how to destroy it, but I don’t have the answers. I’m also desperately trying to figure it out while writing all of this.
I do think that with every problem, we tend to seek solutions as quickly as possible instead of looking into the roots of how anxiety had started. I can’t say for others but in my experience, it started with the discomfort of my body which resulted in a downhill of insecurity, constant worrying, skepticism and trust issues.
Untie the knot of your worrying mind to find out what the root of the problem is.
Take it branch by branch, break it and analyze what the causes are and what the consequences are. Untie to find out the root and take it from there. And only then, we may have a chance to beat this monster.