Coming from an Asian household, we don’t say “I love you” to each other. We express in other ways to show each other how much we mean for each other, like cooking a meal for each other or just spending time with each other. From what I remembered, my parents never actually have said those words to me or my sisters, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t or don’t love us, because I know 100% they do, but just in their own awkward Asian way. I remembered that I used to resent them for not saying that to me while I’m sure other kids hear that on a daily basis. But now, I don’t resent them anymore because it’s their way and who am I saying that their way is wrong? I don’t resent them anymore because I no longer see them as the perfect example of how it all should be.
We often forget that parents are humans too. They are not perfect, they make mistakes too. And it’s totally fine because, in this way, we get to know them in a humane way and not through some non-existent perfect parent way that we expect them to be. They are already trying to show us their best self in order to prevent us to make the same mistakes they did. Because that’s what parents do. They want to set the best example for their kids even though they suffer from it. Despite that, they try their best day in and out and if you ask me, it’s such a selfless thing to do. Despite of having the best intentions, they actually can hurt themselves badly by constantly suppressing their less rose-tinted emotions in front of the kids. Or even worse, a lack of emotions.
It happens more often than we like to admit, but we often turn out to be just like our parents in some aspects, which means we also slowly suppress our heavy emotions the moment we start to be self-aware around us; mostly the time we hit puberty and all the years after until we finally get to know ourselves better to know better. By the time we become parents ourselves, this pattern can reverse once again because we want to showcase our best self in front of our offspring which is totally logical, but that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy approach toward yourself and your kid(s) if you never show your emotions.
If you feel like being a shitty person right now for not constantly showing your best self. It’s fine, it’s more than fine actually.
We hurt ourselves actually more if we try to constantly showcase our best self to the whole wide world. Let it go. Those who matter won’t mind and those who do don’t matter.
Be human for a moment, be human for a day, be human for a week, a month and for the rest of the upcoming years. We try to please the rest so we won’t bother them with our baggage that we are the only one suffering from it, even though you need to take care of yourself first. That’s the only thing that matters from the very first start. It’s what your parents want for you; that you are able to take care of yourself to be able to live a fulfilled life. And most importantly, it’s what you want for yourself too.
So don’t be afraid to show the “ugly” parts of you. Those parts matter greatly. It’s the authenticity in you and you won’t want to eliminate that from yourself.
Because that is what makes us all human.