Have you ever took a good look at the people in your life?
The people you call your friends and occasionally hang out with over a cup of coffee, the people you spend time with during weekends. The ones you share your funny moments with. The ones you invite over for your birthday or another important occasion. Have you ever had thought about why you started off as friends? Was it because you had an instant connection and you really think that person is interesting? Or was it just confidential and a matter of venue and timing that you have approached one another and ended up becoming friends because of the amount of time you see each other, like during high school or at work.
If you like me had no specific requirements to befriend someone, then you used to have friends which you wonder nowadays why you even became friends in the first place. And guess what? Those are no longer my friends so that also explains it. I only cared about being liked by others, no matter who it was.
Anyone would be enough.
I didn’t have any specific liking because I just want to be friends with anyone who I encounter with or at least that I know of that they didn’t have a dislike towards me. That was enough for me. Now, I laugh at myself for acting like such a doormat and someone who has no backbone whatsoever. What was I seriously thinking?
In my opinion, true friendships are for a lifetime. It brings out the best of yourself, like in romantic relationships or any relationship with depth for that matter.
But what does a friendship needs to get it to work? Besides the same kind of humor and anytime down for food, which is essential to me, there is one more thing that determines whether you are surrounded with the kind of people who make your stomach ache from laughing or let your stress level sky rocking rapidly.
That thing is called self-knowledge.
Without digging deeper to get through the surface of yourself, you won’t able to discover why you are the way you are. You won’t get understanding of your own thoughts and motives or what makes your heart beat faster. You won’t get to know why you act a certain way or act out of character when being put in a certain situation. You won’t ever unravel your abilities, let alone understand it in order to work on it and bring out its potential. It will just sit there in the dark and wait for its owner to dust off the dirt so it can let rays of light nourish it in order to reinforce its hidden powers.
Without having the slightest bit of self-knowledge, you won’t be able to love yourself fully and pure. You will just drift along the surface and go along with anything that happens to you, including with the people you spend time with. How you treat yourself and how well you know yourself reflect back on the type of interaction you willing to accept with those you have allowed a space in your life.
The bond between you and your friends show a great part of what kind of bond you have with yourself too.
These are the people you namely share your voice with. If you mostly get engaged in superficial conversations or gossips, then it doesn’t immediately says that you are a superficial person too. But it can say about the number of layers you have pulled down from yourself. The layers of consciousness of yourself and your environment. It can say that you are not conscious of the things you say which may possibly hurt others. That you can’t put yourself in other’s shoes.
If you caught yourself that you only spend time with certain people to do stuff with but have no awareness what strike the strings of your friend’s heart, and also do not want to particularly want to find out, then it can say a lot about how comfortable you feel in your own skin. Maybe you are not comfortable being by yourself with your own thoughts. Maybe you get insecure the minute you find out that no one has time for you so you can’t fill in your free time with activities to do with other people. Why? Because you don’t know what to do with yourself. It makes your palms sweat, it freaks you out to be alone, even for a short amount of time.
If you find out that you agree with everything, including the things your friends do, the places your friend wants to go or the topics your friends speak about, then it says something about your fear of confrontations or an unhealthy longing for harmony. Have you always had to hold back yourself to state an unpopular opinion? Have you always had the need to be the one who makes sure everyone is feeling comfortable and having fun, while neglecting wholly your own feelings? If you feel drained and full of negativity by the time you get home again after having out with your friend(s), then it can mean that your shield of self-worth wasn’t much, to begin with, or has been shattered by the toxicity you allowed them to pierce through your well-being.
Without knowing yourself, you can’t possibly work on a meaningful friendship which works for both parties.
Without loving yourself first, you can’t create healthy, balanced relationships.
It can even make you feel stuck in a loop of the inability to getting know yourself better. And that, my friend, is such a waste of living, with or without people around you.